Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Given Up
Tired & broken. I'm weary, between staying and leaving in my own world. Such an ending would be unacceptable right? I have to brace myself. I felt lonely even though i have friends. I do not need people in my life whom are just temporally and come close to me with a fake face and intentions. Betrayed, torn and tattered and abandoned, the ever feeling or loneliness and regrets whelm up inside me. There is no way out. I'm trapped in my own mix of emotions, desperately trying to be happy.
It's been far too long since i met anyone real. Ever so trusting and naive, i started the wrong way. I feel cold and the pain inside me just pulverized me. It's spreading to every part of my body. I don't know who to trust anymore. I can't even trust myself. To love another, am i truly capable of such task? It's laughable. There has never been a day i truly wish to remain as part of this world. I'm always praying for people's happiness but what about me? Maybe i don't have the need for this feeling anymore.
Whenever i see someone else being happy and loving, i feel really envious but... maybe i just wasn't good enough. Wasn't good enough to be loved, wasn't good enough to be someone else's side. I'll keep watch from afar. I'm breaking... I've tried my best to keep up my pretense bur i'm so worn out. Won't someone save me? I've given up...
It's been far too long since i met anyone real. Ever so trusting and naive, i started the wrong way. I feel cold and the pain inside me just pulverized me. It's spreading to every part of my body. I don't know who to trust anymore. I can't even trust myself. To love another, am i truly capable of such task? It's laughable. There has never been a day i truly wish to remain as part of this world. I'm always praying for people's happiness but what about me? Maybe i don't have the need for this feeling anymore.
Whenever i see someone else being happy and loving, i feel really envious but... maybe i just wasn't good enough. Wasn't good enough to be loved, wasn't good enough to be someone else's side. I'll keep watch from afar. I'm breaking... I've tried my best to keep up my pretense bur i'm so worn out. Won't someone save me? I've given up...
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:28 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Forgive & Forget
Whenever we make a mistake or hurt someone, we expect the person to forgive and forget. But when someone does that to us, we ain't able to gallantly forgive less forget the pain and hurt that's been done to us. I'm tired...
I could always forgive, not because i have a big heart but because i believe everyone deserve a second chance but there are always people whom would repeat the same harm and keep hurting you. I'm used to being hurt and getting lied to. Promises are a sacred vow to be kept. Who in this era would believe it? Everyone would just laugh and say that i'm utterly stupid and silly but i didn't mind because that's something that i believe in. I'll forgive but i'll never forget what was done, the hurt, the tears, the smile, the love and the promises.
To forgive and forget is telling yourself to give up on humanity. I'm tired...
I could always forgive, not because i have a big heart but because i believe everyone deserve a second chance but there are always people whom would repeat the same harm and keep hurting you. I'm used to being hurt and getting lied to. Promises are a sacred vow to be kept. Who in this era would believe it? Everyone would just laugh and say that i'm utterly stupid and silly but i didn't mind because that's something that i believe in. I'll forgive but i'll never forget what was done, the hurt, the tears, the smile, the love and the promises.
To forgive and forget is telling yourself to give up on humanity. I'm tired...
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:24 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, December 24, 2015
To where you are
It's been a really long time since i wrote an entry. Things hasn't changed and everything still seems fuzzy. It seems like yesterday that i was smiling and teasing you and today i am left all alone, betrayed and hurt. Never in a million years would i have thought of betrayal from someone i once hold dear. I've lost all my strength and i'm tired and weak.
Maybe it is time to let go. Maybe i was too trusting to believe in miracle. A pure heart doesn't necessarily gives the best results. I'm tired, hurt and broken. I've been living in pain and misery. I wish i've never known a world like this but i have no regrets because you taught me things i would never know and you cared for me as someone whom you once held dear, even if it was only for a brief moment.
Thank you world, for having me. Thank you for teaching me the color of feelings we each possess. Be brave, i'm sure the world isn't all that bad. Somewhere, someplace, i'm sure you'll be there smiling. Even thought i could never reach the place where you are, i hope you'll always be safe and happy...
Maybe it is time to let go. Maybe i was too trusting to believe in miracle. A pure heart doesn't necessarily gives the best results. I'm tired, hurt and broken. I've been living in pain and misery. I wish i've never known a world like this but i have no regrets because you taught me things i would never know and you cared for me as someone whom you once held dear, even if it was only for a brief moment.
Thank you world, for having me. Thank you for teaching me the color of feelings we each possess. Be brave, i'm sure the world isn't all that bad. Somewhere, someplace, i'm sure you'll be there smiling. Even thought i could never reach the place where you are, i hope you'll always be safe and happy...
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:06 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, November 02, 2015
Alone
It's really strange. You've always treated people very nicely and cared for them. You would go the extra mile for them, help them and always be there for them. However, nobody will do the same for you. Perhaps, having expectations is bad and it really sucks?
I've always been sweet and accommodating. I do not have a lot of friends but i keep those i cherish close but would they keep me close too? I doubt so. This is not the 1st time but it happened time after time. Just a word of concern or a little 'how are you' would've made my day but nobody would. I am always the only one that cares and go the extra mile. Sometimes, i feel that i'm such a bothersome because i care too much. It's really silly, really...
In this world, i understood that i am all alone and forever alone. Friends, they come and goes. Lovers, they betray you. Family, it's only about the roof. I am truly alone and being alone is fine. I could never find someone that would wholeheartedly care for me because a reflection of me doesn't exist. I'm tired...
I've always been sweet and accommodating. I do not have a lot of friends but i keep those i cherish close but would they keep me close too? I doubt so. This is not the 1st time but it happened time after time. Just a word of concern or a little 'how are you' would've made my day but nobody would. I am always the only one that cares and go the extra mile. Sometimes, i feel that i'm such a bothersome because i care too much. It's really silly, really...
In this world, i understood that i am all alone and forever alone. Friends, they come and goes. Lovers, they betray you. Family, it's only about the roof. I am truly alone and being alone is fine. I could never find someone that would wholeheartedly care for me because a reflection of me doesn't exist. I'm tired...
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:40 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Night of Sixth Magnitude Stars
When I'm wounded, it would make me really happy if you could gently embrace me.
When I stumble and can't stand up, please give me some of your courage.
My thoughts still can't reach you; I'm still wandering alone in this cold street.
I can't even remember where this place is.
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even the things I threw away into places of no return will eventually radiate and illuminat tomorrow.
I was able to meet you in the stardust. It would have been great if my feelings had stayed unchanged.
I wept to my unreturning past, but my tears will eventually radiate and illuminate my tomorrow for me.
When I'm unable to sleep, it would make me really happy if you could gently grip my hand.
Please quietly assure me that morning will come, even if it's a lie.
My wish is still unfulfilled. Tonight, I have taken the constellation with me
and disappeared completely. It's already impossible for me to go back...
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even a star too distant to be visualized clearly will eventually radiate and illuminate tomorrow.
Our miraculous encounter in the stardust will be blurred out by the crowds of people again
I bid goodbye to my unreturning past and the nights of weeping, so that tomorrow I'll be able to shine.
I thank you, for having found me even though I am such a small constellation.
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even the things I threw away into places of no return will eventually radiate and illuminatetomorrow.
I was able to meet you in the stardust. It would have been great if my feelings had stayed unchanged.
I wept to my unreturning past, but my tears will eventually radiate and illuminate my tomorrow for me.
When I stumble and can't stand up, please give me some of your courage.
My thoughts still can't reach you; I'm still wandering alone in this cold street.
I can't even remember where this place is.
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even the things I threw away into places of no return will eventually radiate and illuminat tomorrow.
I was able to meet you in the stardust. It would have been great if my feelings had stayed unchanged.
I wept to my unreturning past, but my tears will eventually radiate and illuminate my tomorrow for me.
When I'm unable to sleep, it would make me really happy if you could gently grip my hand.
Please quietly assure me that morning will come, even if it's a lie.
My wish is still unfulfilled. Tonight, I have taken the constellation with me
and disappeared completely. It's already impossible for me to go back...
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even a star too distant to be visualized clearly will eventually radiate and illuminate tomorrow.
Our miraculous encounter in the stardust will be blurred out by the crowds of people again
I bid goodbye to my unreturning past and the nights of weeping, so that tomorrow I'll be able to shine.
I thank you, for having found me even though I am such a small constellation.
In this endless night, I have only one wish: "Let there be shining light in the starless sky."
Even the things I threw away into places of no return will eventually radiate and illuminatetomorrow.
I was able to meet you in the stardust. It would have been great if my feelings had stayed unchanged.
I wept to my unreturning past, but my tears will eventually radiate and illuminate my tomorrow for me.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:27 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Leaving
Departure, farewells and goodbyes are always difficult for everyone. They say, all good things comes to an end. It isn't just the good but the bad as well isn't it? When is mine ending?
Emotionally tortured and weakened, what is the meaning of life and my existence? Giving & forever giving. Longing and forever longing for a place to belong. Where am i now and just who i am? The world, why doesn't it end? I'm in pain, struggling and living in the memory. I do not want to forget and i do not want to remember. Hypocrisy and lies, is that how we are bound to live in? I can hardly live my life... I'm in pain but i could never let anyone know, i could never tell you and you would never understand them.
If longing for a happy ending and to smile with you is a sin, then maybe i wasn't supposed to be here at all. Are you happier now? I'm sure you are. Always being left behind, always putting in so much more and care so much more than any others, i'm tired, i've tried my best. I'm broken. I wanted not someone to fix me but someone whom i can spend my life with to make her happy. I've been hiding my darkened soul. Perhaps its beyond redemption so why must life be so cruel? Some live without knowing tomorrow, some live without food and water, while others struggle everyday just to carry on living. Am i truly living?
Leaving the world, departing... Would it be a kinder move to everyone else? My sorrow and misery knows no bound. I wish for a day which my end is near. Someday, i know i'll be gone soon but i'm sure those i cared for will always be well and happy. If i could have any last wishes, i just hope the world would be a better and kinder place to everyone and especially to you.
Emotionally tortured and weakened, what is the meaning of life and my existence? Giving & forever giving. Longing and forever longing for a place to belong. Where am i now and just who i am? The world, why doesn't it end? I'm in pain, struggling and living in the memory. I do not want to forget and i do not want to remember. Hypocrisy and lies, is that how we are bound to live in? I can hardly live my life... I'm in pain but i could never let anyone know, i could never tell you and you would never understand them.
If longing for a happy ending and to smile with you is a sin, then maybe i wasn't supposed to be here at all. Are you happier now? I'm sure you are. Always being left behind, always putting in so much more and care so much more than any others, i'm tired, i've tried my best. I'm broken. I wanted not someone to fix me but someone whom i can spend my life with to make her happy. I've been hiding my darkened soul. Perhaps its beyond redemption so why must life be so cruel? Some live without knowing tomorrow, some live without food and water, while others struggle everyday just to carry on living. Am i truly living?
Leaving the world, departing... Would it be a kinder move to everyone else? My sorrow and misery knows no bound. I wish for a day which my end is near. Someday, i know i'll be gone soon but i'm sure those i cared for will always be well and happy. If i could have any last wishes, i just hope the world would be a better and kinder place to everyone and especially to you.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:18 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, May 04, 2015
New Day
Would you trade your tomorrows for yesterdays? A brand new day, there are bound to be room for mistakes, for emptiness and sadness. A better future is within reach if you could let go of the darkness from the past. Often, we learn to cherish and only start to cherish someone or something when that person is gone or the thing is broken. Perhaps it is in human nature that we forgo what we have which only leads to regrets and sorrow. Love the ones that loves you and be thankful because their tomorrow might not match yours.
I am tired... Always smiling, saying i'm okay. For me, a tomorrow without meaning is just like bring forward that day of execution. But in memories, i could still remember your smile and the sweet words you said to me. The precious memories we shared, the times we cried and the future we thrived for. For tomorrow it will never come for us. Even as i'm stood up in blood, i could never be healed. All i wish for is a tomorrow filled with the brimming light and hoe will become the guiding light that leads to a brighter future for you with your gentle smile, i glad-fully give my last breathe. Perhaps, it is time for me... to a tomorrow without you, without me and without a tomorrow.
I am tired... Always smiling, saying i'm okay. For me, a tomorrow without meaning is just like bring forward that day of execution. But in memories, i could still remember your smile and the sweet words you said to me. The precious memories we shared, the times we cried and the future we thrived for. For tomorrow it will never come for us. Even as i'm stood up in blood, i could never be healed. All i wish for is a tomorrow filled with the brimming light and hoe will become the guiding light that leads to a brighter future for you with your gentle smile, i glad-fully give my last breathe. Perhaps, it is time for me... to a tomorrow without you, without me and without a tomorrow.
i know that i have loved you ... at 5:02 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
