Thursday, November 24, 2011
Loneliness
Loneliness, is always looking for a friend. It found me once and it has been around since then. Why, why was i chosen? It's part of my life, i feels like i'm drifting away, loneliness knows me by name.
Nobody knows me, yet everyone knows my name. Nobody cares for me at all, did you care for me at all? I was always told, i won't be standing alone anymore. All i want is love, someone who can share this pain i feel... All i need is time, the time for me to open up and show, the person i am, the person you think you know, yet you don't know...
Am i still human? Why is people around me happy but i can't be. I'm jealous, i'm hopeless and i'm lost and dying in misery. The only thing i can look forward to is the endless sorrow that's coming. The happiness for the people i loved. I'm tired, i really am.
I'm sorry, these few days i'm getting more and more emotional. Perhaps, the date is near. The post i read. I thought i was prepared for it. No news means good news and if there's news, it's bound to be a happy news. I'm tired and so is kine after i've pour the sufferings into her.
Just plain tired, letting go of life....
Nobody knows me, yet everyone knows my name. Nobody cares for me at all, did you care for me at all? I was always told, i won't be standing alone anymore. All i want is love, someone who can share this pain i feel... All i need is time, the time for me to open up and show, the person i am, the person you think you know, yet you don't know...
Am i still human? Why is people around me happy but i can't be. I'm jealous, i'm hopeless and i'm lost and dying in misery. The only thing i can look forward to is the endless sorrow that's coming. The happiness for the people i loved. I'm tired, i really am.
I'm sorry, these few days i'm getting more and more emotional. Perhaps, the date is near. The post i read. I thought i was prepared for it. No news means good news and if there's news, it's bound to be a happy news. I'm tired and so is kine after i've pour the sufferings into her.
Just plain tired, letting go of life....
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:59 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, November 18, 2011
Fated Journey
It's a long long journey. It's been 22 years plus since i took the 1st breath and till now, i am still wasting the earth's precious resources. Is me, coming to this world fate? Did i meet all the people around me because of coincident or because we were fated to meet?
This journey has been difficult thus far. From young, i was never happy. Always envious, wondering why can't humans be equal? Watching the news, why do humans enjoy killing each other? Recently, i've finished watching a movie and it's concept of the "evil" plot is what i've thought before. Since humans likes to kill each other, causing pollutions and endanger the environment and other species, why not invent something to kill them all? Why not have us all die so everyone can live happily ever after? It would be a really splendid cause i know!
Soon after we were born, we'll grow old and then fall into terminal illness and die. This circle repeats itself till the time when everything comes to an end. It's a fated journey one must take when he/she is born into this world of sufferings. I'm tired. May my journey end soon.
This journey has been difficult thus far. From young, i was never happy. Always envious, wondering why can't humans be equal? Watching the news, why do humans enjoy killing each other? Recently, i've finished watching a movie and it's concept of the "evil" plot is what i've thought before. Since humans likes to kill each other, causing pollutions and endanger the environment and other species, why not invent something to kill them all? Why not have us all die so everyone can live happily ever after? It would be a really splendid cause i know!
Soon after we were born, we'll grow old and then fall into terminal illness and die. This circle repeats itself till the time when everything comes to an end. It's a fated journey one must take when he/she is born into this world of sufferings. I'm tired. May my journey end soon.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:16 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Wind
It's 12:57am in SG now. I'm listening to the OST of windstruck now. It's sad yet touching. I've never watched the show before but i heard the story yesterday. It's a really beautiful yet sad story. Being the wind to stay by her side but at the same time wishing that she'll move on. I wish it can happen to me too.
Don't know why i'm typing this post. Maybe simply because the song affected me. I just want the people around me to be happy. It doesn't matter what happens to me. Even if i vanish now, there'll be no one who'll remember me.
Suddenly feeling kinda sad but i know everything will be better the next day. Take care myself. Take care because i need to be alive to bear everything else. I'll be there as promised till the end.....
Don't know why i'm typing this post. Maybe simply because the song affected me. I just want the people around me to be happy. It doesn't matter what happens to me. Even if i vanish now, there'll be no one who'll remember me.
Suddenly feeling kinda sad but i know everything will be better the next day. Take care myself. Take care because i need to be alive to bear everything else. I'll be there as promised till the end.....
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:55 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, November 10, 2011
11/11/11
It's 11/11/11 today. It's the day i was going to ask her back or so. But it seems it is no longer possible. It's not that i don't have the courage to call her but i don't have the courage to see her unhappy and get in the middle or their happy fairy tale. Right now, i don't even dare to love anyone anymore. I'm trying my best to avoid facing my feelings or to like someone.
I'm a tool and a tool should not have any feelings at all. I feel that i've done something wrong by sharing so many things with the people i know. I have no rights to feel or to love. A tool is merely a tool and so it should only be use and discarded. Am i now waiting for the next owner to use or waiting for the previous owner to put me to use again?
I'm tired and really tired... Perhaps the best way is to end everything. When will it end? Must i keep torturing myself? I'm tired... I just need a shoulder but i can't. Maybe it's just that this tool is getting rusty...
I'm a tool and a tool should not have any feelings at all. I feel that i've done something wrong by sharing so many things with the people i know. I have no rights to feel or to love. A tool is merely a tool and so it should only be use and discarded. Am i now waiting for the next owner to use or waiting for the previous owner to put me to use again?
I'm tired and really tired... Perhaps the best way is to end everything. When will it end? Must i keep torturing myself? I'm tired... I just need a shoulder but i can't. Maybe it's just that this tool is getting rusty...
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:49 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, November 04, 2011
World
If someone were to ask you to describe the world you would envisioned yours to be, how would you reply? How and what does your world looks like? Is it full of colors? Are there important people in it? What makes you complete in that world and why would you want that world for yourself? I supposed everyone's preferences would be different yet similar. I too, want to experience the warm colors and happiness in the world everybody painted but i can't. Why why why? I keep asking myself! Yet there is no reason and no answer.
My world, closing my eyes now, thinking of what comes to my mind, it's grey, a wasteland with no trace of life. The wind is blowing ever so strongly and the sky is dark with thunder clouds. It looks like there's a storm brewing. I'm standing in the middle, struck by the beautiful lightning, a thousand blades piercing through my heart. Blood are drained from every part of my body and when i search for my heart, i couldn't find one. Darkness just whelm up within me, the sorrow, the misery, the sadness, hatred, pain and everything bad seems like the only way i know how to live. I fell like i was born to accept and take all these from others so i gladly accept them. It's the only way to nurture myself, the final path for me.
I love blood. If i could stab myself everyday, somehow, i think i would feel better. Maybe once i get used to it, the pain will stop. I need no painkillers and nobody to be there for me. what i longed for has passed the point of no return. There is nobody that will understand. The door to my world stays hidden and forbidden to even the closest one around me. My heart wept silently everyday, and every moment when i am awake. That's why i know there is no future, no peace for me. Tired....
My world, closing my eyes now, thinking of what comes to my mind, it's grey, a wasteland with no trace of life. The wind is blowing ever so strongly and the sky is dark with thunder clouds. It looks like there's a storm brewing. I'm standing in the middle, struck by the beautiful lightning, a thousand blades piercing through my heart. Blood are drained from every part of my body and when i search for my heart, i couldn't find one. Darkness just whelm up within me, the sorrow, the misery, the sadness, hatred, pain and everything bad seems like the only way i know how to live. I fell like i was born to accept and take all these from others so i gladly accept them. It's the only way to nurture myself, the final path for me.
I love blood. If i could stab myself everyday, somehow, i think i would feel better. Maybe once i get used to it, the pain will stop. I need no painkillers and nobody to be there for me. what i longed for has passed the point of no return. There is nobody that will understand. The door to my world stays hidden and forbidden to even the closest one around me. My heart wept silently everyday, and every moment when i am awake. That's why i know there is no future, no peace for me. Tired....
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:58 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
不想讓你知道
忽然不想讓你知道
在我心中 你多重要
既然你要自由
你就得到
讓你永遠都記得我好
忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
直到有天你我年老
回憶隨著白發風中閃耀
至少我清清楚楚知道
你若想起我會微笑
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
在我心中 你多重要
既然你要自由
你就得到
讓你永遠都記得我好
忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
直到有天你我年老
回憶隨著白發風中閃耀
至少我清清楚楚知道
你若想起我會微笑
今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較
想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:53 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
