Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Heartless
I told myself countless times that i would no longer feel any pain. If i have no heart, then there wouldn't be feelings and there would be no pain. Since a long time ago, i've forgotten about using this word 'heart'. I told myself constantly that i don't need a heart, not the physical form but the more spiritual and emotional form. It's funny right? HAHA! Yes, i do not need a heart anymore. But still, i can't rid myself of this feelings.
If you would be here right now, i guess i would hug you and break. But i'm already broken, where else would i be breaking? Funny right? For a long time, i've been watching over you. I treated everyone as good as i could and as much as i wanted to be treated. Even when i am smiling, deep inside me, i could not feel the true meaning of happiness. You showed me a way but i still couldn't get out. I'm full of contradictions and so is life. I'm worn out.
Loving someone isn't about being together with that person. I've always thought of it more than others would. I would not force my wishful thinking upon you and neither would i tell you. If fate brings us to it, then i will grab it and not let go. Everyday, i would be thinking about you and how your life has been. My feelings for you could not be put into words and even if i could, it is something that is forbidden to be mentioned. I said i would watch over you and so will i. Even though i could no longer see you nor know how you are now, i'll imagine and be confident that you're fine and happy. That's my prayer everyday for you in the evening.
To you, it may seems that i have forgotten you. Perhaps you've already forgotten my existence. I'll keep telling myself that it's okay. Because the world wouldn't stop for me and life still goes on for you. I want to see the sunshine on your face, your smile and you talking with your friends. If we've met in another era or in a different parallel world, i hope the 'me' there would be able to shower you with affection.
Knowing you was truly a blessing and being able to understand and do something for you was definitely a joy in my life. I am not without a heart but i chose to be heartless. It is not because i don't care about you anymore, it is because i need to hide my feelings, to you and to everyone else. As i keep writing, i'll grow old and aged without anyone else knowing or be by my side but i'll remain true to what i believe. As i closed my eyes now, all i could remembered was your smile and shyness. I smiled and tears began to fall. All i ever wanted was for someone to love me the way i am and be by my side. Keep smiling! Dear M,thank you.
If you would be here right now, i guess i would hug you and break. But i'm already broken, where else would i be breaking? Funny right? For a long time, i've been watching over you. I treated everyone as good as i could and as much as i wanted to be treated. Even when i am smiling, deep inside me, i could not feel the true meaning of happiness. You showed me a way but i still couldn't get out. I'm full of contradictions and so is life. I'm worn out.
Loving someone isn't about being together with that person. I've always thought of it more than others would. I would not force my wishful thinking upon you and neither would i tell you. If fate brings us to it, then i will grab it and not let go. Everyday, i would be thinking about you and how your life has been. My feelings for you could not be put into words and even if i could, it is something that is forbidden to be mentioned. I said i would watch over you and so will i. Even though i could no longer see you nor know how you are now, i'll imagine and be confident that you're fine and happy. That's my prayer everyday for you in the evening.
To you, it may seems that i have forgotten you. Perhaps you've already forgotten my existence. I'll keep telling myself that it's okay. Because the world wouldn't stop for me and life still goes on for you. I want to see the sunshine on your face, your smile and you talking with your friends. If we've met in another era or in a different parallel world, i hope the 'me' there would be able to shower you with affection.
Knowing you was truly a blessing and being able to understand and do something for you was definitely a joy in my life. I am not without a heart but i chose to be heartless. It is not because i don't care about you anymore, it is because i need to hide my feelings, to you and to everyone else. As i keep writing, i'll grow old and aged without anyone else knowing or be by my side but i'll remain true to what i believe. As i closed my eyes now, all i could remembered was your smile and shyness. I smiled and tears began to fall. All i ever wanted was for someone to love me the way i am and be by my side. Keep smiling! Dear M,thank you.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:04 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
