Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Maybe
Maybe, i can never understand how someone can change in an hour or change overnight? Or has it been a true hidden nature? Must it be to hurt somebody or to get hurt? Must it be either right or wrong, black or white? Yesterday, the feelings were so real and today, it's been reduced to dust. Perhaps, i suck at dealing with these. I'm tired.
I've always been a loner. I don't share my feelings but i share my good will. I don't want to hurt others but i open up myself for others to hurt me. It's a contradicting world. The one person i need in this world could never be there, the courage to speak to the people close seems so awkward and strange. I placed everything on someone whom i thought would need me like i do but in reality, i know there is no such person that have ever existed. I'm naive, i'm too pure for my own good and i'm too gentle to others. Are these flaws? Whenever i walk pass someone unfortunate, i would feel sad and wishes to buy that tissue or drop a little note in the drop box. I see an old granny carrying heavy stuff, i would want to carry them for her. Yet... i don't have the courage. I lack... i'm lacking in so much. I'm weak. I'm breaking, even as we speak.
The truth is, i think of life as a miserable cage. To grow, we must endure pain. I'm enduring so how much more? I'm not escaping, i'm embracing them. Are there more? Tell me! What is the purpose of life? I try, i try so hard! I just want to stay by the one i wish to protect and love, hurt me all you want, i will endure. Everyday, i wish it will be my last. Every minute, i wish i didn't exist but i must face it. A terminal cancer with 1 month left would be exciting for me. At least i could spend that last month i've left wisely and express how i feel. Tell anyone how i feel everyday, would it make life easier? or would it be the same? I can never be perfect, but perfectly twisted. I'm wide awake and the skies in my world is torn.
If i am destined to lead such a life, i would stay alone. I would stab myself a thousand times without seeing the blood. Hopefully, i will grow weary of this pain soon. If tomorrow never comes, then i wish the last person i see will be smiling and leading a happy life today. Maybe, it is time that i should cease to exist...
I've always been a loner. I don't share my feelings but i share my good will. I don't want to hurt others but i open up myself for others to hurt me. It's a contradicting world. The one person i need in this world could never be there, the courage to speak to the people close seems so awkward and strange. I placed everything on someone whom i thought would need me like i do but in reality, i know there is no such person that have ever existed. I'm naive, i'm too pure for my own good and i'm too gentle to others. Are these flaws? Whenever i walk pass someone unfortunate, i would feel sad and wishes to buy that tissue or drop a little note in the drop box. I see an old granny carrying heavy stuff, i would want to carry them for her. Yet... i don't have the courage. I lack... i'm lacking in so much. I'm weak. I'm breaking, even as we speak.
The truth is, i think of life as a miserable cage. To grow, we must endure pain. I'm enduring so how much more? I'm not escaping, i'm embracing them. Are there more? Tell me! What is the purpose of life? I try, i try so hard! I just want to stay by the one i wish to protect and love, hurt me all you want, i will endure. Everyday, i wish it will be my last. Every minute, i wish i didn't exist but i must face it. A terminal cancer with 1 month left would be exciting for me. At least i could spend that last month i've left wisely and express how i feel. Tell anyone how i feel everyday, would it make life easier? or would it be the same? I can never be perfect, but perfectly twisted. I'm wide awake and the skies in my world is torn.
If i am destined to lead such a life, i would stay alone. I would stab myself a thousand times without seeing the blood. Hopefully, i will grow weary of this pain soon. If tomorrow never comes, then i wish the last person i see will be smiling and leading a happy life today. Maybe, it is time that i should cease to exist...
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:41 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
