if i never see your face again ...
then i will find you and love you once more
time after time

Friday, March 23, 2012

Out Of Reach

Have you ever felt you don't belong anywhere in this world? That you shouldn't be born and have lost your purpose to live? I'm outta reach in this world. The world seems like such a distorted place to be in. Where is it that i belong? I don't wanna be part of this distortion which we humans created. The natural instinct to survive made us into an animal. Even an animal wouldn't kill their kind. I'm clouded in darkness, and i don't wish to be save no more.

I pity mankind whom seems to be in the endless campaign for victory and survival. They destroyed forest, kill and tampered the earth for resources but in the end, they're only committing a slow suicide. I don't want to be part of the system god created. Why were we created? What is our purpose? Everyday i wish i could just fade away. Every moment i am trying to bury my sorrow and presence in this distorted world. What purpose do i serve now?

Do you believe in love and faith? Or maybe even destiny and fate? Humans are way too lonely to survive alone that's why they look for someone to be with them. I'm human too but i'm seeking another way out. To be forgotten, to numb myself, to hurt myself more and more every single day so i can attain the real meaning of suffering. Somehow, i want to be alone yet my natural instinct tells me i need someone there with me. Someone whom understands. There is no such person whom is capable. Afterall, i was born alone and meant to be alone and die alone. There is no need to cause anyone any misery.

The sorrow, the pain, the misery, the sadness and all the sufferings, i will bear all. There is no need for pity because that is the only way to grow strong and the only way to fulfill life. Cast all upon me, throw them all to me. Let me have the courage to end it all. Let the fire purify me and when my ashes are together as one as the wind, i pray that no one needs to suffer again. No one else need to feel those feelings again. Every minute, i am living in an unknown place where people around are smiling and happy but i can't seems to comprehend why i can't be like them. What is happiness? Does it really exist in my world? The beautiful red splattered on the only shelter in my dream world. The rain of blood, the tears of blood and the darkness. The cold and loneliness in that world, i want to close that door. I'm tired of this endless struggle to break free. I rather be in that world and shut myself in.

Is dying a release? Yes it is. But before that, you must endure all hardship, pain, misery, sadness and sorrow the world can offer you. You must be covered in countless scars and wounds before you can qualify to leave this world. I love blood, every second i bleed. I wish i could bleed and bleed. Let tears of blood roll down from my eyes. Let everything end.

I'm tired, i'm outta reach. Is this destiny? It must be. Praying my time will come soon...

i know that i have loved you ... at 7:04 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities

` here.waiting ;

    Kel
    Fateful 21
    Bellieving
    Waiting

'watchin:you.go;

^reminds;me*of

Like how the sun is always there
Even when it has sunk down
It's a dream I can't let go
Fantasies starts to flow
Certainty is definitely here
I remain standing in the midst of parting way
And the shadow gently fades away

Flowers sway in the wind as if dancing
While remain completely buried by that kind smile
And echos along with that friendly voice
Because we're together, we're able to believe in each other

Still without remembering “sadness”, I begin to grasp “pain”
When these feelings reach you, they will change into “words”
The pulse that beats quickly catches my breath
Keep trying to break free for that blue, blue sky

Awaken from a dream in an unknown world ..


that'.last>note


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