Saturday, October 22, 2011
Goodbye
It's a long lost goodbye, sayonara sayonara. It's often most difficult to say goodbye to someone whom you cherish or once cherished. Sometimes it may be essential so life can go on for that someone else. For me, no matter how much or how long i tried, i can't but i know i have to. I can't stay there as a temporary shelter for her anymore. I've always been too caring and putting other 1st but no one else would spare a thought for me or would care about my feelings. But it's okay, that's the way i am.
No matter how much time she've cheated or how many lies she spoke, it doesn't matter anymore. I love the way she lied, but i hate myself for seeing through every one of it. Perhaps i am too sensitive or maybe i'm too naive to get believe. Putting my trust in someone whom hurt me over and over again and lie to me time after time, breaking me every single day and moment, it seems so unrealistic, was everything just a dream?
It's hurting me every single day, it's breaking me every single moment. But i have to be strong. No matter how i feel, i won't show. No matter how much it hurts, i will shed no tears. If she's happy with him, there is no way i should be sad right? There is no reason for me to be sad. I should be happy for her right? These were the questions i asked myself everyday. Is she happier now? Is he treating her well? How's her studies now? How about her health and her mum's? I should stop asking now. There is no purpose in it anymore because it'll hurt me more and much more than i can bear.
I am always alone and it doesn't hurt me a little if i'm destined to be alone. It doesn't matter anymore. It's time to say goodbye now. It's time for me to be selfish now. To stop being there for her or anyone else. To stop showing concern and to shut myself in the place i belong. Sometimes i wonder if my life would be just like the shooting stars, disappearing in the blink of the eye. I'm tired, really tired. I tried to be strong and stronger but it only hurt me more. She'll never understand how it is to be treated this way but it's okay. I'll be the one that'll take everything one last time in her place.
I'm tired... If clinging to a little hope, reaching out to heaven is so difficult, then let me stay in this hell i am already in. I can never tell anyone the truth... There is no beautiful ending neither is there colors in my world anymore. No longer black and white but bright red and orange. The beautiful blood that flows from me, and the orange flame that'll burn me for eternity.
Goodbye goodbye....
No matter how much time she've cheated or how many lies she spoke, it doesn't matter anymore. I love the way she lied, but i hate myself for seeing through every one of it. Perhaps i am too sensitive or maybe i'm too naive to get believe. Putting my trust in someone whom hurt me over and over again and lie to me time after time, breaking me every single day and moment, it seems so unrealistic, was everything just a dream?
It's hurting me every single day, it's breaking me every single moment. But i have to be strong. No matter how i feel, i won't show. No matter how much it hurts, i will shed no tears. If she's happy with him, there is no way i should be sad right? There is no reason for me to be sad. I should be happy for her right? These were the questions i asked myself everyday. Is she happier now? Is he treating her well? How's her studies now? How about her health and her mum's? I should stop asking now. There is no purpose in it anymore because it'll hurt me more and much more than i can bear.
I am always alone and it doesn't hurt me a little if i'm destined to be alone. It doesn't matter anymore. It's time to say goodbye now. It's time for me to be selfish now. To stop being there for her or anyone else. To stop showing concern and to shut myself in the place i belong. Sometimes i wonder if my life would be just like the shooting stars, disappearing in the blink of the eye. I'm tired, really tired. I tried to be strong and stronger but it only hurt me more. She'll never understand how it is to be treated this way but it's okay. I'll be the one that'll take everything one last time in her place.
I'm tired... If clinging to a little hope, reaching out to heaven is so difficult, then let me stay in this hell i am already in. I can never tell anyone the truth... There is no beautiful ending neither is there colors in my world anymore. No longer black and white but bright red and orange. The beautiful blood that flows from me, and the orange flame that'll burn me for eternity.
Goodbye goodbye....
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:19 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
