Friday, November 30, 2007
SpIRitS 0f YeSteRdAy
juz suddenly feel lyk blogging song lyrics... i lyk this song... dunno who has it... alweis s emo.. i wonder way... am i doin the ritex thing? gettin on wif my miserable life... or shld i juz end it? i believe everyone will hab pain... sadness n misery... how can we stop it? we grow thru pain... so inflict more pain on me plz! more pain! make me more miserable! drive me crazy! i wanna grow... wanna understand the world... everythin dat i nid... so plz... torture my heart... shame my soul... cut my wrist... anyone? it doesnt matter.... i believe 1day i'll be able to understand more things... help others to take away the pain... thats the reason why i'm here... to take away the pain n misery... let me will u? sighx...
I remember the days
I remember the place
'cause I wish you were mine
Just a moment in time
Say my name in the night
And to you it feels right
'cause into your arms I fall
You decided to leave
Just as long as I breathe
It's my very last try
And you tell me "goodbye"
I remember the place
I remember the days
The best time of my life
I call
The spirit of yesterday
Spirit of yesterday
I fall
Into your arms again
Into your arms one day
I call
The spirit of yesterday
Spirit of yesterday
I fall
Into your arms again
Into your arms one day
I'm recalling the days
I recall the right place
'cause I wish you were here
To be my athmosphere
Paint my name in the sky
Angel wings to get high
'cause into your arms I fall
You are just need to ease
And for now I say please
It's my massage to you
It's the last rendez-vous
I remember the place
I remember the days
The best time of my life
Spirit of yesterday, yesterday
I fall
into your arms one day, one day!
Spirit of yesterday,
Spirit am I fall away ?
I wanna call the spirit of yesterday
Into your arms one day
Into your arms just stay
I wanna fall into your arms one day...
Fall into your arms one day
One day
Uhmmm, one day.
I remember the days
I remember the place
'cause I wish you were mine
Just a moment in time
Say my name in the night
And to you it feels right
'cause into your arms I fall
You decided to leave
Just as long as I breathe
It's my very last try
And you tell me "goodbye"
I remember the place
I remember the days
The best time of my life
I call
The spirit of yesterday
Spirit of yesterday
I fall
Into your arms again
Into your arms one day
I call
The spirit of yesterday
Spirit of yesterday
I fall
Into your arms again
Into your arms one day
I'm recalling the days
I recall the right place
'cause I wish you were here
To be my athmosphere
Paint my name in the sky
Angel wings to get high
'cause into your arms I fall
You are just need to ease
And for now I say please
It's my massage to you
It's the last rendez-vous
I remember the place
I remember the days
The best time of my life
Spirit of yesterday, yesterday
I fall
into your arms one day, one day!
Spirit of yesterday,
Spirit am I fall away ?
I wanna call the spirit of yesterday
Into your arms one day
Into your arms just stay
I wanna fall into your arms one day...
Fall into your arms one day
One day
Uhmmm, one day.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:21 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
TiReD
wat issit abt today nehx? tired? i dunno... woke up... en go sch... aft wif my manager... xin yan lahz... go watch movie n eat... den on the way back dunno why she cried... mayb i said sth wrong dat made her cried? i also dunno... she say she juz stress up.... nt bcuz of me... but i dunno.... den didnt go back home... acc her to pasir ris den aft dat we walk all the way home... haish... on de way...i tok abt my ex... everyone i rmb.... wher we went... wat we did.... nth to write abt? my miserable life? end it plz...
everyday i wonder.... wat is the meanin of life... why are we born? if god was so merciful, why did he cre8 us? why didnt he juz put us all in heaven or nt cre8 us? dats sth i can nv understand... sighx... i went yahoo n search abt meaning of life long ago... perharps durin sec3? but till now i still haben found the real meaning... perharps... its undefined....
everyday i wonder.... wat is the meanin of life... why are we born? if god was so merciful, why did he cre8 us? why didnt he juz put us all in heaven or nt cre8 us? dats sth i can nv understand... sighx... i went yahoo n search abt meaning of life long ago... perharps durin sec3? but till now i still haben found the real meaning... perharps... its undefined....
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:34 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
WorTh 0R noT?
today was my clinical exams.... i think everything went well? i suspose baz? dun hab the motivation to really work hard? haish.... everythin is lyk so lost.... i dunno who i really am...
here i am,once again... i'm torn into pieces.... broken up deep inside..... u wun get to see the tears i cry....
i'm tired.... tired of everythin.. its not abt worth or wat... sth is juz in u... i dunno wat i can do to save myself frm this misery.... wat shld i do? why shld i even exist? wat is my purpose of being here? bring hurt n worries to ppl? finally i got the reason of being here.... the purpose is to be hurt.... to let ppl hurt... tear me into bits.... burn me into dust.... erase my life... my soul... everything n rights to be a human... i hate myself!!!
would anyone be so kind to remove me frm my life? i'm tired... really tired.... can i break down? can i? lost in the rain of my own tears.... to wash away the pain and dear.... sighx.... dead?
here i am,once again... i'm torn into pieces.... broken up deep inside..... u wun get to see the tears i cry....
i'm tired.... tired of everythin.. its not abt worth or wat... sth is juz in u... i dunno wat i can do to save myself frm this misery.... wat shld i do? why shld i even exist? wat is my purpose of being here? bring hurt n worries to ppl? finally i got the reason of being here.... the purpose is to be hurt.... to let ppl hurt... tear me into bits.... burn me into dust.... erase my life... my soul... everything n rights to be a human... i hate myself!!!
would anyone be so kind to remove me frm my life? i'm tired... really tired.... can i break down? can i? lost in the rain of my own tears.... to wash away the pain and dear.... sighx.... dead?
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:59 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, November 26, 2007
JuZ anotHEr Day
if i say everyday is juz another day, wuld the day end faster? cuz its heartbreakin day aft day... nitex aft nitexzzz... haish... sometimes i'm wonderin who and wat am i? i juz hate myself... detest my life... can the rain wash away the pain n misery? can the neuro surgeon cut out parts of my brain so my memories will be gone w/o a trace? or juz let me feel nth... take away my emotions... wonderin why ppl can be so cruel? somewher beyond the rainbow... will der be another me? i'm tired... kill me... kill me... kill me!
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:57 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
WAnNa ChAnGE
t0dAy i suDdenlY g0t thIs fEeLinG. ActuAlLy gOt tHiS FeELiNg lonG aG0 bAz...
dun eva wanna get hurt.... i dunno wat to do lorx.... haish.... really damn sianz! haish.... dotz.... haish.... really wish to die.... but i noe i cant die.... cuz i dun wanna go hell.... mayb being a gay is betta? haish.... tml got presentation.... feel lyk wearin mascara n foundation.... am i sicko? i really dunno lorx.... haish....
h0pE tmL wiLL bE A bEtTeR DAy!
dun eva wanna get hurt.... i dunno wat to do lorx.... haish.... really damn sianz! haish.... dotz.... haish.... really wish to die.... but i noe i cant die.... cuz i dun wanna go hell.... mayb being a gay is betta? haish.... tml got presentation.... feel lyk wearin mascara n foundation.... am i sicko? i really dunno lorx.... haish....
h0pE tmL wiLL bE A bEtTeR DAy!
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:04 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, November 16, 2007
A sT0rY t0 Rmb
Tree
People call me "Tree". I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.
I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She was a good actor, and me ademanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off.The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read a SMS in my hp. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
Leaf
People call me Leaf. During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt afeeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect mea girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Carefor him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.
Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay.
Wind
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person look ing at my seniors & me playingsoccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."
"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...
Moral
In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself. There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go....
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world.It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched ourlives.
A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short to waste on just someone.
People call me "Tree". I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.
I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She was a good actor, and me ademanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off.The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read a SMS in my hp. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
Leaf
People call me Leaf. During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt afeeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect mea girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Carefor him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.
Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay.
Wind
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person look ing at my seniors & me playingsoccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."
"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...
Moral
In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself. There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go....
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world.It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched ourlives.
A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short to waste on just someone.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:12 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, November 15, 2007
betTa dEn B4
betta den b4? of cuz i suspose... time passin... lots of memories are lost... but still in my heart she is... the hurt u done can be forgiven but it can be forgotten.... i miss the old days.... i'm nt myself anymore... i think i'm very flickle minded.... nt faithful at all le... i'm tryin not to 2time 3time or even 4time... why hab i becum such a toopid person? who will be able to gimme all the love in the world? haish... i really dunno... ppl who loves me will get hurt... so its really best if they dun love me.... i juz wan everyone to be happy... haish... live on... live well.....
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:33 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
