Saturday, July 02, 2005
lost.....
haix...nw sianz lorz...listenin to nv had a dream cum through...haix...sad song...juz nw see da lyrics 4 nv be replaced....den tears dropped le...how can i be so weak?! haix...in camp i dun even cry...but why nw am i so weak...why so emotional?! duno why am i lyk dat nw...haix....dear bloggie..u hav been wif me so long le...wat do u think of me?! evil?! haix...mayb baz....haix...i so sux!! haix.... why cant i juz be da weijie i used to be?! why muz i change juz cuz of someone hurted u! damm!! haix..! duno baz...nw writing tis blog....duno when the tears will cum out again!! haix...4get it....haix.... sad! haix...kana scoldin frm joanna i dun mind...but why muz say i lyk dat treat sher?! she doesnt noe anithing!! why muz everyone side her when they duno anithing...haix...why muz she open up the wound in my heart again?! veri veir veri pain u noe marx?!cannt let tears fall nw!! ahhhhh.... haix... 4get it baz....haix...ytd...we finally pass out le lorz....haix...duno baz...mayb its a gd thing...i feel dat if i sign on will lead to dem gettin more hurt or wat...i reali duno... can onli steal galnces at cass... wo duno how to face her...haix...in class, angeline msg me...den we back to frens le...haix....sry to hav hurted u...i reali wish someone can hurt me veri veri veri veri deeply...so dat i wun dare to love anione again... or mayb, possible...suffer frm depression betta!! i reali hope i can be lyk tis!!! how can i hurt her?! haix... up till nw i still duno is cuz she say lyk me den i lyk her or wat...haix.... when she say out...den my feelin also cum out le...wo duno why....haix...4get it baz...haix.... angeline u muz stay happy ok?! haix....duno baz...think nw they all go da sjab carnival baz... wo at home nv go bluff got tuition...wo duno how to face cass..and da rest baz...haix...duno duno duno....haix... and i'm so tired so tired....but why cant juz i break dwn!? lyk dat betta!! break dwn n nv get up again!! wo reali wish to die!! hao xiang hao xiang shi! my heart is black de...sp i reali wana take a knife to poke into my heart and see am i rite?! 2 see da blood isit black de...haix....but juz dun hav da courage enough baz....ytd..go eat soul garden lorz...haix...den i sia sian de...soso lahz... haix... den we all go play lan....all my platoon ambulance got play lorz..surprised...and sir willam,you guang, sir chen and sir yuan zheng also got play...haix....den play till 12+ baz...daryl n ts go home 1st...den yq me n sc go home tgt...den sc left le...sir pt call yq..den we meet at coffeeshop opp evss tok tok..... haix...till abt 2:15am baz..den walk home...haix...sir pt wif yq..i alone walk...haix...reach da road near tpjc...haix...reali felt so lonely...sososo lonely...its been a long time since i walk dat road alone.. cuz got cass...mayb i took her 4 granted baz...haix...den dark dark de...haix...so cold so cold in my heart... how i wish she's by myside again again to walk tis lonely path..but nvm..i'll walk alone baz! used to it le!!.....haix...den abt 3+ den go slp lorz...haix..den morin wake up at 6+ haix...den go back slp again...cass reply lata...i see le...beri beri damm upset...heart achin...but....ders nth i culd do... besides dwn der hahahahaha.....4get it baz...den i reali duno how to face it...i choose to tao bi.... wo put da pillow on my face n try to slp!! wana pretend it was juz a dream..she didnt send me dat...onli i imagine de...but i reali cant!! i cant!! cant cant cant u noe marx?! cuz its de fact!! but aniway, i tell myself dun be sad!! as long as she happy den i sad or wat also nvm......haix................ .i alweis believe dat if u love someone, let da person go....if da person cum back, da person was meant to be yours...but if da person dun..den it was nv meant to be....ke shi...wo ai shang le ta le! haix...i love u cass!! do u noe?! haix.....but i noe i still hav to let u go....and hope dat u'll return someday...somehow.....why muz u say i lyk rebc?! haix...she belongs to daryl!! i long ago wana cut contact and da line wif her...its she who doesnt wans to!! haix.....i reali wish to hav somethig happy to write in here!! but....haix...wed my o'lvl le...den nw....i duno wat to do le....on thurs reali wana ask her 4 stead...but i nv..i noe i dun fit to be one...i cant bring her happiness...so i didnt...but lucky i nv ask baz.....cuz lyk dat mayb she will be happier....she wana be my mei back...so let it be baz...i hav no rite to stop her...or wat...haix....i try to hide everything in my msg.....dun wan her to noe i sad! even if i wana sigh, i will put hahaha den haix... to cover up...haix....duno baz!! may her be happy den i also content le...mayb i shldnt even tell her dat i lyk her dat time...haix.... i still rmb clearly dat i start to hav feelings 4 her is at jas de bday last yr when we play water bomb.....so long le.... since i hav keep it so long le...i shld juz keep it n nv say it out...sry...haix...sadd....................
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:44 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities