AnotHeR ChaPteR

Azurite

2012-01-27T23:09:00.001+08:00

I didn’t realize until I met you

That I was this strong

I have found something

I want to protect

And you’re the one

Whose shown me what it is

Just being with you makes

Even my ordinary day shine brightly

Your voice and smile

I want to protect them forever

You tell me you think we can overcome

Anything as long as we stay together

I think, as I look into your forthright eyes

That I love you

On nights we can’t see each

Other because we’re far apart

I look at the stars in the sky

I want to believe passionate in

The feelings that I have for you

And continue to protect them

Although I have known you for a long time

I never dreamed

These feelings would sprout

And that I would fall in love with you

Casually going home,

As I look at the stars in the night sky

I take the long way on purpose

And lean on your shoulder as we walk

You tell me you think we can overcome

Anything as long as we stay together

I think, as I look into your forthright eyes

That I love you

I didn’t realize until I met you

That I was this strong

I have found something

I want to protect

And you’re the one

Whose shown me what it is

Just being with you makes

Even my ordinary day shine brightly

Your voice and smile

I want to protect them forever

You tell me you think we can overcome

Anything as long as we stay together

I think, as I look into your forthright eyes

That I love you

On nights we can’t see each

Other because we’re far apart

I look at the stars in the sky

I want to believe passionate in

The feelings that I have for you

And continue to protect them

Crucify My Love

2012-01-20T20:11:00.001+08:00

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say goodbye
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

Like a river flowing to the sea
You'll be miles away, and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

'Til the loneliness shadows the sky
I'll be sailing down and I will know
I know I can clear clouds away
Oh Is it a crime to love

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say goodbye
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

Love? Or Just Sex?

2012-01-14T19:48:00.002+08:00

I've come across many many guys whom ain't shy and open to talk about what they did with their ex-girlfriends or their currently one. They always talk about having "eaten" another girl or such. It means he had sex with the other partner. Their motives are just sex and secondly love. Sometimes love doesn't even play a part in these "relationships". Am i too naive to think it's wrong or am i not hard-hearted enough to just fool around and treat them like sluts when i've been hurt and cheated countless times.

I always believe in protecting your love ones. Be it in name or physically, i will do my best to keep their modesty and protect them from rumors and other unrelated stuff. Many would have say that if you didn't "eat" your ex or girlfriends, how can she consider your girlfriend? It makes me ponder, is love just about sex or sex is just about love? I can love someone so dearly with it. It fact, the more i love that someone, i am afraid to take something so precious from them. It's too precious and valuable and i can never return or give anything in return. Nevertheless, sometimes you would wanna share these wonderful moments with your beloved ones.

It simply makes me question myself whether am i a real guy? Caring so much about others when she's cheated and left, where she left scars everywhere and told you lies countless times. I could've just be like any other guys. I could've just cheat girls for sex but i can't. Is this how a true guy should be?

Till now it's still hurting everyday and night. Many secrets and sorrow are hidden deep within. I believe there will come a day when i can smile again from within. Take care my feelings and memories. I hope i am able to become someone real someday. I would choose love than to have sex. It's just me, or would other guys do the same? I wonder....

Wheels Of Dawn

2012-01-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

Shaded by the trees, calling out to the wind, I'm lying face-down crying
I saw a version of myself I didn't even recognize
On this guitar I'm playing the melody of someone who's passed on
A star falls in the grief of someone who'll never be seen again

Please don't go, no matter how much you scream,
all it will do is quietly stir these orange petals
Saved on my soft brow,
I send the memories in my palm far away
An eternal farewell as I keep strumming

The heart of a child clinging to a gentle hand
The blazing wheels cast it off and continue on
On this guitar I'm playing the grief of someone who's passed on
The strings in my heart being plucked at violently

In the pure white unstained by sorrow,
the orange petals stirred in a summer shadow
Even if my soft brow is lost,
I'll cross over the far off, red-stained sand
The rhythm of farewell

Branded into my memories, on the ever-turning earth,
there is something sprouting in remembrance

Sending off the dawn's carriage
Those orange petals are stirring somewhere even now
The peaceful daybreak I once saw
Until it is placed in my hands once more,
please don't let the light go out
The wheels are turning

Yesterday.... Once More

2012-01-13T20:41:00.001+08:00

When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile.

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.

When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

Lookin' back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed.

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away.

All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.

Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

Miss you when i'm dreaming

2012-01-12T21:01:00.002+08:00

Today I didn’t think of you
Today was alright
I had a lot of things to do
I was moving on with my life

But now I need some answers, some answers
I’m tired and I’m getting weak
Some answers, some answers

I only miss you when I’m dreaming
That’s why I don’t wanna close my eyes
Tell me why you only hurt me when I’m sleeping
The only time I can’t put up a fight
Is when I’m dreaming

Another hour passes by
It’s gonna be a long night ahead
Coz I feel you creeping up inside my mind
Every time I look at my bed

But now I need some answers, some answers
I’m tired and I’m weak
Some answers, some answers

I only miss you when I’m dreaming
That’s why I don’t wanna close my eyes
Tell me why you only hurt me when I’m sleeping
The only time I can’t put up a fight (dreaming)

The only time I can’t live without you (dreaming)
I can’t let you go
Oh no

I only miss you when I’m dreaming
That’s why I don’t wanna close my eyes
Tell me why you only hurt me when I’m sleeping
The only time I can’t control my mind, oh
And the only time I can’t put up a fight
I miss you when I’m dreaming

Winter Sleep

2012-01-07T20:39:00.001+08:00

It keeps coming back to me
I remember this pain
It spreads across my eyes
Everything is dull

Everyone's smiling, they're smiling
It pushes me far far away
I can't understand
Everything is blue

Can you hear me out there?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep
I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

I know when I let it in
It hides love from this moment
So I guard it close
I watch the moves it makes

But it gets me, but it gets me
I wish I could understand how I
Could make it disappear, make it disappear

Anyone out there hear me now?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Kiss my lips and maybe you can take me to your world for now
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Please make it all go away
Am I ever gonna feel myself again?
I hope I will

Joint

2012-01-07T19:45:00.001+08:00

Once more I'm looking at this world,

Dust and after-images, and faint shadows
you have the resolution,

To shoulder everything on your cold back

What do I want to do?
And why?

Didn't I decide to go on a
lonely journey?

Don't let go of this hand

Your feelings are crossing over
And cause the sleeping
wish wish in my heart to awaken

At the furthest end of this powerful gaze are
two figures with no trace of doubt...

That's why we'll keep going towards the future

Looking at this crumbling scenery,

I came to realize the miracle of living

Hoping for a special meaning,

I walked hesitantly down the road without a path

Do I want to believe?...
Yes I want to believe...

Because I want to walk this path with you!

Don't avert your gaze

Even though I can't put this into words,

I desire you from the bottom of my heart.

At the furthest end of this hope are two rigures with no trace no doubt...

That's why we'll move on to the next place.

Anger and sarrow, has shown me joy more than anything else.

Besides, I am always aware
Of you standing right next to me

You're feeling it, right?

There is no need to fear anymore
Hold this hand tightly

Because a power which only you hold

Is turning dreams to reality

At the furthest end of this powerful gaze

Are two figures with no trace no doubt

That's why we'll keep going towards that future.

Thousand Years

2012-01-05T21:50:00.001+08:00

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday

Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

The New Year?

2012-01-01T11:01:00.000+08:00

It's a special day today. It's new year. Oh well, liked i said, it's a new year! Am i supposed to be happy like the others? Many have new year resolutions and i have some too. Well, i think it's only 2. I can't be that greedy right?

1. Everyone to be happy.
2. My world, or the world would come to an end this year.

A typical and a weird resolution? Well, that's the kind of person i am. When i wish everyone to be happy, the everyone doesn't ever include me. I'm exclusive, i'm all alone and always abandoned and forgotten. Well, leave it that way because that's the best thing that could ever happen to a loner liked me.

Today is also the 3rd year me and Wina got together. I don't wanna be a bother to her or anyone anymore. This year, like the past, i will suppressed my feelings as much as possible. That's the best i can give everyone. I wonder, even if it's to a few, how great the world would be without me. It's time for me to give up on her and everything else. My goal in life? That's to help and save as many as possible. To give them comfort and to drain myself to the brink of hell. To sacrifice myself to give the many blessings i can to others.

I don't belong here. Will anyone ever understand? I love my world, black and white with sufficient red to satisfy my blood lust. The world will never changes just hidden, deeper inside me in time to come...

只想你快乐

2011-12-29T19:00:00.003+08:00

从来不想让你知道
我以噌为你做过的事
你说过的话
还牢牢收场在我心低。

你说过你会等我
但我只想你幸福
不想看见你流泪
所以我选着离开。

我只想你快乐
不想你寂寞
说好的约定
像尘土一样飘泊。

你想要的快乐
我不再多说
只要我能我一定会和你，好好过。

从来不想让你知道
我所有的悲伤与痛苦
我说过的话
是不是以被大海淹没？

我说过我会等你
从前你还记得吗
我不再为你流泪
所以我选着放开。

我只想你快乐
不想你寂寞
说好的约定
像尘土一样飘泊。

你想要的快乐
我不再多说
只要我能我一定会和你，好好过。

虽然你已离开我多年
但我还深深的爱着你
我会牢牢的把你的笑容印在我心里
因为有你我的世界会像彩虹
哦哦哦。。。。

我只想你快乐
不想你寂寞
说好的约定
像尘土一样飘泊。

你想要的快乐
我不再多说
只要我能我一定会和你，好好过。

我只想你永远，好好过。。。

This lyric is written by me, feeling random. It's for the person whom i cherish most in this point of time. Take care & farewell to her...

Now & Forever

2011-12-27T13:31:00.001+08:00

Whenever I'm weary
From the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way, but still you
Seem to understand
Now and forever
I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
That Heaven has given to me

I'll try to show you
Each and every way I can
Now and forever
I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries
And always be sure
That I won't be alone, anymore
If I'd only known you were there
All the time
All this time

Until the day the ocean
Doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever
I will be your man
Now and forever
I will be your man

Two Is Better Than One

2011-12-27T13:27:00.000+08:00

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, hey
You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one

But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes, the way you say
You make it hard for breathing

'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one

But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, hey

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one

There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking, ooh
I can't live without you
'Cause baby, two
Is better than one

There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I figured out with all that's said and done
Two is better than one

Two is better than one

Bless The Broken Road

2011-12-27T13:25:00.000+08:00

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

The Meaning?

2011-12-27T12:41:00.001+08:00

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You're asking me
To feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are

Cry....

2011-12-03T16:27:00.000+08:00

The secrets in my dreams tell me
About the sorrows that I’ll come across
I must yearn for mercy
Your pained appearance and my greeting
A gaze that was shut as if tired
I don’t wish for anything more than these
The sickened promise is stinking and hidden; I never knew…

A dream that I can’t recover
My memories grew dim
My pains became dull and my heart cracked
My burnt out soul is simply a cooled mountain of ash
My tears are filled with pain, ha…

So tell me… tell me… the reason why…
How can you do this to me…
You break my heart…
And you make me cry…

In the expressionless, final moonlight
Covered in muddied excuses
The warmth that embraced you
Vanished without a trace; You’ll never know…

Within the endless pain
There’s the belated regret that was left behind
And the flowers of love that disappear meaninglessly…

So tell me… tell me… the reason why…
How can you do this to me…
You break my heart…
And you make me cry…

The 35th Month

2011-12-01T07:23:00.002+08:00

It's the 1st of the month again. I'm here, a bit high on alcohol and thinking about her. I know i'm dumb, feeling useless. Many told me to get her back but i insisted not to. Since she's much happier with him, i should her her be... Right?? This is all i can do for her now, as a friend and as someone whom care about her.

Anyway, happy 35th anniversary and i hope she's much happier and getting good grades for her studies. There was many things i could do or realize when i was there but now i see it clearly. I will become a much better person for the one who is fated to be mine. Still, everyday, i hope she's happy and well. :)

The only weakness is that i ain't so noble. I still feel hurt though i would give my love away if there is someone whom i deem worthy. I will care about people in the dark. I will take care of them, look after them till they're strong enough to pursuit their happiness again but what about me?

It's been almost a year since she's gone and people are surprised i'm still letting go. It doesn't matter anymore. I just hope everyday will be a better day for her and the people i hold dear.

Take care....

Loneliness

2011-11-24T13:59:00.002+08:00

Loneliness, is always looking for a friend. It found me once and it has been around since then. Why, why was i chosen? It's part of my life, i feels like i'm drifting away, loneliness knows me by name.

Nobody knows me, yet everyone knows my name. Nobody cares for me at all, did you care for me at all? I was always told, i won't be standing alone anymore. All i want is love, someone who can share this pain i feel... All i need is time, the time for me to open up and show, the person i am, the person you think you know, yet you don't know...

Am i still human? Why is people around me happy but i can't be. I'm jealous, i'm hopeless and i'm lost and dying in misery. The only thing i can look forward to is the endless sorrow that's coming. The happiness for the people i loved. I'm tired, i really am.

I'm sorry, these few days i'm getting more and more emotional. Perhaps, the date is near. The post i read. I thought i was prepared for it. No news means good news and if there's news, it's bound to be a happy news. I'm tired and so is kine after i've pour the sufferings into her.

Just plain tired, letting go of life....

Fated Journey

2011-11-18T00:16:00.003+08:00

It's a long long journey. It's been 22 years plus since i took the 1st breath and till now, i am still wasting the earth's precious resources. Is me, coming to this world fate? Did i meet all the people around me because of coincident or because we were fated to meet?

This journey has been difficult thus far. From young, i was never happy. Always envious, wondering why can't humans be equal? Watching the news, why do humans enjoy killing each other? Recently, i've finished watching a movie and it's concept of the "evil" plot is what i've thought before. Since humans likes to kill each other, causing pollutions and endanger the environment and other species, why not invent something to kill them all? Why not have us all die so everyone can live happily ever after? It would be a really splendid cause i know!

Soon after we were born, we'll grow old and then fall into terminal illness and die. This circle repeats itself till the time when everything comes to an end. It's a fated journey one must take when he/she is born into this world of sufferings. I'm tired. May my journey end soon.

The Wind

2011-11-16T00:55:00.002+08:00

It's 12:57am in SG now. I'm listening to the OST of windstruck now. It's sad yet touching. I've never watched the show before but i heard the story yesterday. It's a really beautiful yet sad story. Being the wind to stay by her side but at the same time wishing that she'll move on. I wish it can happen to me too.

Don't know why i'm typing this post. Maybe simply because the song affected me. I just want the people around me to be happy. It doesn't matter what happens to me. Even if i vanish now, there'll be no one who'll remember me.

Suddenly feeling kinda sad but i know everything will be better the next day. Take care myself. Take care because i need to be alive to bear everything else. I'll be there as promised till the end.....

11/11/11

2011-11-10T20:49:00.002+08:00

It's 11/11/11 today. It's the day i was going to ask her back or so. But it seems it is no longer possible. It's not that i don't have the courage to call her but i don't have the courage to see her unhappy and get in the middle or their happy fairy tale. Right now, i don't even dare to love anyone anymore. I'm trying my best to avoid facing my feelings or to like someone.

I'm a tool and a tool should not have any feelings at all. I feel that i've done something wrong by sharing so many things with the people i know. I have no rights to feel or to love. A tool is merely a tool and so it should only be use and discarded. Am i now waiting for the next owner to use or waiting for the previous owner to put me to use again?

I'm tired and really tired... Perhaps the best way is to end everything. When will it end? Must i keep torturing myself? I'm tired... I just need a shoulder but i can't. Maybe it's just that this tool is getting rusty...

World

2011-11-04T22:58:00.003+08:00

If someone were to ask you to describe the world you would envisioned yours to be, how would you reply? How and what does your world looks like? Is it full of colors? Are there important people in it? What makes you complete in that world and why would you want that world for yourself? I supposed everyone's preferences would be different yet similar. I too, want to experience the warm colors and happiness in the world everybody painted but i can't. Why why why? I keep asking myself! Yet there is no reason and no answer.

My world, closing my eyes now, thinking of what comes to my mind, it's grey, a wasteland with no trace of life. The wind is blowing ever so strongly and the sky is dark with thunder clouds. It looks like there's a storm brewing. I'm standing in the middle, struck by the beautiful lightning, a thousand blades piercing through my heart. Blood are drained from every part of my body and when i search for my heart, i couldn't find one. Darkness just whelm up within me, the sorrow, the misery, the sadness, hatred, pain and everything bad seems like the only way i know how to live. I fell like i was born to accept and take all these from others so i gladly accept them. It's the only way to nurture myself, the final path for me.

I love blood. If i could stab myself everyday, somehow, i think i would feel better. Maybe once i get used to it, the pain will stop. I need no painkillers and nobody to be there for me. what i longed for has passed the point of no return. There is nobody that will understand. The door to my world stays hidden and forbidden to even the closest one around me. My heart wept silently everyday, and every moment when i am awake. That's why i know there is no future, no peace for me. Tired....

不想讓你知道

2011-11-02T01:53:00.002+08:00

忽然不想讓你知道
在我心中你多重要
既然你要自由
你就得到
讓你永遠都記得我好

忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道

今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較

想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道

忽然不想讓你知道
你的愛我已經戒不掉
就讓思念淹沒
我不想逃
反正你將永遠不知道

今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較

想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道

直到有天你我年老
回憶隨著白發風中閃耀
至少我清清楚楚知道
你若想起我會微笑

今夜星光多美好
適合用寂寞去憑吊
我們曾用愛互相依靠
付出多少不用計較

想一個人多美好
就算只剩記憶可參考
被愛放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道

35

2011-10-30T16:25:00.000+08:00

Dear blog, it's coming to the 35th month and i've almost waited for a year now. No matter what happens in the end, i just hope she can be happy. After deleting her facebook and MSN, there is no other way to contact her. Still i wish to say, happy 35th month. :) The below will be as follows.

Dear Wina,

Happy 35th month. Even though we didn't get that far, i'm glad to see u being loved and happier now. There're many many things which i could not tell you. Many things i've done in secret in hope you'll be happier and many wrong choices i've made. Forgive me for being selfish and selfless.

Do you still remember our 1st meeting? How and where we met? Our conversation? Sitting down looking at girls and guys. Comparing them and judging if they're pretty or handsome. Our 1st date, the library, i carried you and ran around. You were very scared and keep screaming. I've always been trusting towards you. I've never doubted you or your love. I believed that you'll never lie to me. So many things are flashing in my mind now but it's just a small portion of yesterday.

The 1st time i felt so broken was when you fall in love with the police guy. You said you like him but still have feelings for me. I felt like i was a toy. It was during the time of my training and it really sucks. I've to pretend and act as if nothing happens. Finally, you gave him up because you saw him with another girl and realised he's a jerk. If not for me begging you to stay, if you didn't see him with another girl, you might have gotten together with him and get hurt.

The 2nd time, without a word, without a chance, you left to someone you barely knew for a month. The 2years we spent was like ink on the whiteboard, easily erased and you told me he was better. But i keep telling you, trying to convince you he isn't what or who you think he is. You begged for his forgiveness just as i beg you to come back. You only came looking for me when you're sad and lonely. I realised that i am just a shelter you'll come looking for when you're down. Even when you said you still love me, i knew it was a gentle lie but i'm happy to accept it as long as i can stay by your side to give you happiness for as long as possible.

3rd time, before i left, you asked if we're still possible together. I could've gave you an answer yes and asked you back but i didn't. Whenever i do things, i'll put you in the 1st place and think for you. It's gonna be a 4months trip. You'll feel down and lonely again. I can't be there for you. Therefore, rather than waiting for me, i want you to live happily liked i always hoped for. You found and got together with him within 3 weeks. You told me you feel xinfu with him so be it. While waiting for your mail, i went to shopped for the item you wanted. I bought 8 of them just to let you choose. Silly me. While you're spending time with him. I've know you for so long that i know you're dating another guy so i asked you through the phone and u admitted it. What a joke.

Wina, i'm sorry if i wasn't good enough for her. To me, things i've done for you, i needn't mention, but i hope you'll be able to feel it someday. Just like when you told me about the contract stuff, actually you told me you didn't want me to work as a nurse because you think it was dangerous, so i decided to take another route. The money i got, i wanted to support you somewhat in university. I know you'll start to compare someday my bf is just poly grad but i'm a uni grad earning more than him, or maybe find it too shameful to tell your friends but i didn't mind. I just wanted you to be happy and don't worry about so many stuff. I distant myself from you because you can no long seek shelter when it rains, rather you should call "home" and wait for your umbrella that'll always be with you from now till the end.

Wishing you're happier now. That's my wish when i saw the shooting stars. Take care.

Ending

2011-10-29T03:26:00.002+08:00

Every ending is a new beginning, one more chance to get things right yet another chance to get things wrong. The end is such a scary place to be, everything just falls apart. Every drama has it's ending just as life does. People don't live for every and memories does goes down when one is dead. The one left behind will be the one sufferings, bearing this pain and sorrow with them. It suddenly makes me wonder if anyone would mourn for me?

In the end, those whose lives have ended, everything is the same for them. Ending this miserable life and sufferings yet to press on ahead with another with an unknown future. I wish i could be brave too. I wish my end is near, giving me a little time before i depart with the people i care for and doing my part for others whom i've never met or know. I wanna donate every part of my body to let the less fortunate have a better life. Is there so much i can do, watching those people suffering in pain and unable to communicate what they want.

When the end is near, it is near, for naught be fear, the last sense is in the ear.

Faith

2011-10-27T15:46:00.002+08:00

Believe in yourself, be who you want to be. I will shed no tears i will face my fears all alone. All the doubts in mind i will leave behind. Through endless rain of tears, i believe i'll be free once again. Searching for truth behind, in my life i'll let them binds me to pain.

Faith, hope and glory, wonders are waiting to start. But there can be no ending to the sins created. The faith we keep is just a small portion of our wish, what we hope for. Is it simply because we don't have anything to depend on or anyone else there for us that's why we hold on to our faith? I've lost faith in myself and every other in my life. Do i need them to survive? We can always be and live alone. This loneliness and emptiness, no one have the rights to feel them. Being in the middle surrounded by people yet you're feeling so empty and sad inside. I'm tired. I'm beginning to lease down my faith...

I just wish that life for me would soon be over and endless sorrow and sufferings to come will make me learn and be a better person.

Time after time

2011-10-25T01:51:00.001+08:00

Lying in my bed i hear,
The clock tick and i think of you,
Caught up in circles,
Confusion is nothing new,

Flash back to warm nights,
And those left behind,
Suitcase and memories,
Time after

Sometimes, you picture me
I'm walking to far a head
You calling to me, and I can't hear
Just what you've said,
And you say go slow,
I fall behind,
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost and you look and you will find me,
Time after time
If you fall i will catch you I'll be waiting,
Time after time
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/journey-south-lyrics/time-after-time-lyrics.html ]
If you fall i will catch you I'll be waiting,
Time after time
Time after time

After my picture fades, darkness has turned to grey,
Watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok,
Secrets for so long,
From deep inside,
The drum beats out of time,

If you're lost and you look and you will find me,
Time after time
If you fall i will catch you I'll be waiting,
Time after time
If you fall i will catch you I'll be waiting,
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

可惜不是你

2011-10-23T02:53:00.001+08:00

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
彷佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴著心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
彷佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

Goodbye

2011-10-22T18:19:00.006+08:00

It's a long lost goodbye, sayonara sayonara. It's often most difficult to say goodbye to someone whom you cherish or once cherished. Sometimes it may be essential so life can go on for that someone else. For me, no matter how much or how long i tried, i can't but i know i have to. I can't stay there as a temporary shelter for her anymore. I've always been too caring and putting other 1st but no one else would spare a thought for me or would care about my feelings. But it's okay, that's the way i am.

No matter how much time she've cheated or how many lies she spoke, it doesn't matter anymore. I love the way she lied, but i hate myself for seeing through every one of it. Perhaps i am too sensitive or maybe i'm too naive to get believe. Putting my trust in someone whom hurt me over and over again and lie to me time after time, breaking me every single day and moment, it seems so unrealistic, was everything just a dream?

It's hurting me every single day, it's breaking me every single moment. But i have to be strong. No matter how i feel, i won't show. No matter how much it hurts, i will shed no tears. If she's happy with him, there is no way i should be sad right? There is no reason for me to be sad. I should be happy for her right? These were the questions i asked myself everyday. Is she happier now? Is he treating her well? How's her studies now? How about her health and her mum's? I should stop asking now. There is no purpose in it anymore because it'll hurt me more and much more than i can bear.

I am always alone and it doesn't hurt me a little if i'm destined to be alone. It doesn't matter anymore. It's time to say goodbye now. It's time for me to be selfish now. To stop being there for her or anyone else. To stop showing concern and to shut myself in the place i belong. Sometimes i wonder if my life would be just like the shooting stars, disappearing in the blink of the eye. I'm tired, really tired. I tried to be strong and stronger but it only hurt me more. She'll never understand how it is to be treated this way but it's okay. I'll be the one that'll take everything one last time in her place.

I'm tired... If clinging to a little hope, reaching out to heaven is so difficult, then let me stay in this hell i am already in. I can never tell anyone the truth... There is no beautiful ending neither is there colors in my world anymore. No longer black and white but bright red and orange. The beautiful blood that flows from me, and the orange flame that'll burn me for eternity.

Goodbye goodbye....

The Mask

2011-10-21T20:17:00.002+08:00

Everyone is clouded with a mask of their own. Some others care too much about appearance while others about how they behave and how people feel about them in the public. A mask is essential for one to continue living in this merciless world. The pace of the breathing, the fast pacing on the heart is enough to worn out a person in minutes. The more you try to hide, the heavier your mask would be. It really hurts some times when you know you have to do this to continue living.

I'm wearing a mask which no one sees. There isn't a need for someone to pity me or to take off my mask. Though heavy, it's been with me since i've come to sense. No matter what happened in the past, some can forget and choose to forgive but for me i can't. Maybe i am taking things too hard and maybe i am too silly. Being trusting and listening to others is the only weapon i have to keep people away from removing my mask. Smiling and keeping quiet are the shield to deceive people.

I hope i could just lay to the ground and rest in peace without having to feel any pain anymore because i can't afford to let them leak out. I'm tired but still i know i have to keep going, to a place unknown...

Another Day

2011-09-14T19:35:00.002+08:00

It's just another day. There so much i want to do, so much i want to say. So much i wish for but everything seems not related to me at the present. It's all about her. Is she doing well, how's her health, studies and everything. I know i should not think about her anymore. She's gonna be happy with him and i should of course be wipe outta the surface of the planet but still i am human. I'm trying my best to hide my feelings deep inside. Trying not to disturb her anymore. Whatever i do, the only objective is for her to be happy. Somehow it really hurts. Unable to cry, unable to tell anyone but i have kine. I'm tired. Counting down but there is no happiness at my destination. So i wish for death. I've prepared for it since then so i gladly awaits my time. My end and i just hope i could see her smile once more gently.

Time Be Real

2011-09-09T21:21:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

Falling in love in a coffeshop

2011-08-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop
Artiste: Landon Pigg

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you
Yes, there’s a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you
Yes there’s a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
now I'm shining too

Because, oh because
I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while, I never knew
I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while, I never knew

All of the while, All of the while it was you
You.

Meeting

2011-07-14T10:48:00.002+08:00

It's been a while and i went to meet her yesterday. She just asked me out a couple of minutes ago. Normally, i would not say a word and will happily get changed and go out to meet her. But i don't want to have the feeling that she still loves me when she's not. I don't wanna imagine this feeling just to comfort myself. I'm sorry to her and to myself.

I kept thinking if i should go and meet her. The answer was no. The more i meet her, the more i will fall for her. Even so, i really want to. But i know i don't have much time left here so it's better not to meet so it'll be easier for us to part. Am i selfish? I'm worried that i might unknowing hurt her in any sense. To keep a distance is the best solution i can think of. I'm tired blog. What more can i still do for her? I wish there was something else within my ability i could make her happy.

If meeting you was fate, loving you was destiny, then i am willing to accept the shadow cast upon me when you brought the light into my life...

The man who can't be moved

2011-07-12T21:19:00.001+08:00

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some people try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

The one

2011-07-12T21:02:00.002+08:00

Could it be you or do i lose my way again? Are you the one whom i longed for? There is no written contract nor any picture to determine. There is nothing i can do or such when i'm all alone. To believe in a fantasy created by myself... What a fool have i been? I've always thought i could somehow lie my way through and hide what's inside me. I merely human so how can i not feel hurt? There are many many things which words could describe and things i couldn't say. The way we perceive things are different that's why there are misunderstanding. I'm come to understand that i'm a weak being. Even though i look strong, but i have a vital weakness. The only one that could cause me so much pain is you. The you in my dreams whom i imagined. The you that doesn't exist in real. I need a slap on my face to wake me up. I don't want to endure anymore. Because words can never be enough and my smile is ever fading...

Do you even love me

2011-07-07T21:35:00.003+08:00

I knew it was over,
I knew i wasn't the one
And yet, i still waited for you
While thinking this can't be
I wait for you today once again.
At least understand this much,
That i loved you so much
You know it as well,
You know it better than anyone else
That we were once happy.

Is it truly over?
You said never to contact each other again,
Then after telling me to stay happy,
You've left me all alone to cry and never looked back.
I truly loved you,
But how could you become a stranger with a couple of words?
If you love me then erase it.
Rewind it back to the beginning.
My love, it won't do if it's not you
Please don't leave

Isn't love funny?
The annoying nagging words,
I keep remembering them.
The words are stuck in my head and it's tearing my heart apart.

Is it truly over?
Please don't leave.
Please don't make me cry.
Please come back now.

Did you truly love me?
Why did you hug me if you were gonna be like this?
Please don't say "i don't understand love"
Please enough with these excuses,
It's just your heart that has changed.

My heart is broken,
What should i do?

* Just randomly listening to some songs online. I typed every word here from the video i saw. Somehow, i hope i will be numb again... I'm as lost as ever. If it's my destiny, then i will pray that someday, someone will destroy me...

Loving You

2011-07-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

I'll be loving you forever
deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

you are the sun
you are my life
and your the last thing on my mind before I go to
sleep at night
you're always round when I'm in need
when troubles on my mind you put my soul at ease
there is no one in this world, who could love me like
you do
that is the reasons that I wanna spend forever with you

I'll be loving you forever
deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still, forever

we´ve had our fun
and we've made mistakes
but who'd have guessed along the road we'd learn to
give and take
it's so much more than i could have dreamed, I could
have dreamed
cause you make loving you so easy for me
there is no one in this world, who could love me like you do
that is the reason that I wanna spend forever with you

and girl I pray you´ll leave me never

cos this is the world where lovers often go astray
but if we love each other we won't go that way
so put your doubts aside
do what it takes to make it right
cos i love you forever no one can tear us apart.

Silent Night

2011-06-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

It's a silent night. There's no mood, nobody shouting and no cats screaming. My life seems like a fluke. I wonder why this is happening. If you truly love me, if you truly love me... Maybe everything might have changed. I'm really tired and depressed. I spent every weekend at home hiding from the memories i sought to not think about. I wan neither to remember nor to forget. I'm moving on with my life with a heavy burden with me inside. I don't have much time left here. I don't know where my journey goes or how long it will takes. But i know, as long as you're there, it's like a star shining in the dark. You're the very beat of my heart. 2 more days to the supposedly 30th months. Do you still remember? I'm tired... Somehow, i wish u would be here. The last person i see before i close my eyes eternally would be you...

My vision's fading...

Down down down

2011-06-26T13:44:00.002+08:00

Feeling down down and down recently. I feel so drained of strength and energy. Feeling so tired and worn out, sad and lonely all the time. What is happening? I'm doing my best not to think about it too much. I know nothing will change but i hope everything i lost will be faded in time. I'm at my brim, trying to fight off every sorrow. Was i too nice to be taken advantage of, or am i too silly to understand? I choose to trust everyone because i want the best for them but.... I'm just tired. When will this misery finally end? Will the cycle repeats itself again? Save me from this sadness and despair! Please brush aside all the darkness in my heart. I want to feel warm again... I'm sorry.... I hope everything will come to an end soon...

旅行的意義

2011-06-25T10:51:00.001+08:00

你看過了許多美景你看過了許多美女
你迷失在地圖上每一道短暫的光陰
你品壑F夜的的巴黎你踏過下雪的北京
你熟記書本裡每一句你最愛的真理

卻說不出你愛我的原因
卻說不出你欣賞我哪一種表情
卻說不出在什麼場合我曾讓你動心
說不出離開的原因

你累計了許多飛行你用心挑選紀念品
你搜集了地圖上每一次的風和日麗
你擁抱熱情的島嶼你埋葬記憶的土耳其
你流連電影裡美麗的不真實的場景

卻說不出你愛我的原因
卻說不出你欣賞我哪一種表情
卻說不出什麼場合我曾讓分心
說不出旅行的意義

勉強說出你為我寄出的每封信
都是你離開的原因你離開我就是旅行的意義

Randomness

2011-06-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

The rain stops i thought the sun's coming
I heard a voice and you're crying
Let the rain fall and the storm roar
I don't wanna be alone
I wish i was dreaming
Cause all the while i was believing
All those flashbacks, we were liked that
Now you just leave me all alone
You are my memory, that i want to forget
But i will regret it, because you're a part of myself
Baby why can't you see
You're everything i need
Search down your heart in it
You're one in a million
Even though my friends warn me against
You've been cheating on me
But i choose to trust thee
And i ended up with my soul broken
So... Baby come back to me
See all the damage you did
Fix it back all for me
Everything i want to say
Every word i couldn't say
I wish you would feel it dear
I'm so lost so lost...

End...

All the love

2011-06-18T09:46:00.001+08:00

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hestitaion
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me...

No Promises

2011-06-16T19:53:00.001+08:00

Hey baby, when we are together
Doing things that we love
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven
Feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl
I just need you to know, girl

I don't wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together
Doing things that we love
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven
Feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl
I just need you to know, girl

I don't wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms

I don't wanna run away
I want to stay forever through time and time
No promises

The best i ever had

2011-06-13T20:43:00.001+08:00

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

Dreams

2011-06-12T22:25:00.002+08:00

Am i still in my dreams? Longing for someone or something that can never happens? Looking back to the distance past like it never existed. Forgotten by all and left behind, the misery and pain. Is it a test or was it part of life we all have to go through? I'm empty now. I no longer have dreams but nightmares. I'm tired of my everyday. I'm looking up to the sky everyday but there are not stars. The red sky with tons of clouds. It looks like it could be raining any moment. I detest fate si i'm always fighting it. Or rather, i'm changing my destiny.

I woke up worried and scared. Was the dreams i had real? It was too scary. Was it wishing for such things? Why wouldn't it happens on me. When i see my love ones, my friends being sad, i wish i could just give god my lifespan and ask him to make them happy. I don't need a long life but a good one. I supposed the time she gave me was good enough. I couldn't ask for more anymore. No matter what happens from now on, i will be myself. No longer must i act.

I'm feeling restless and my friends all said i looked worn out, tired and depressed. Well, am i an open book? Or maybe some may not even know i existed. That's why my blog address is ever existed. I wish that i ever existed and so i can carve some memories to the people i cherished. I'm bracing myself towards death.

I'm giving up on her now. Cause i gonna let go for her to be happy. A new beginning means she have to leave her past behind. I will gladly cry my heat out to be the rain that washes away all the bad memories. That's the least i can do for her...

In my dreams, even when i'm fast asleep, i still can hear your voice. A deep part of me just can't forget and a big part of me still have regrets. But you don't seem to know all the love i've shared and so i'll go... Someday i'll see you in my dreams...

Light and Darkness

2011-06-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

Looking out my my window. It's kinda bright. Everywhere around, there's light and it's somehow beautiful yet a little lonely. There isn't a single soul there and as the night creep in, everything looks like in a state of loss. Somehow or rather, i miss the old world where there was little light and the stars shone brightly in the sky. The feeling it gave was different. There would be a different kind of shadow being cast upon us. Moonlight shadow, the faith is disappearing and the sun is setting. There is no end to the world and our soul rest eternity. Between light and darkness, i would rather choose darkness so there would be light. I want to be the one that would be dead and used till the end and no one knows. I would die of misery yet fulfillment because i would be able to help others. My shoulder is acting up again... Sorry.. The end for today.

Need you now

2011-05-29T20:57:00.001+08:00

Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Whoa, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

My Dearest

2011-05-29T20:53:00.001+08:00

It would be nice if we could put away and throw out
everything except what really mattered, but
reality is just cruel.

In such times,
I see you laughing
whenever I close my eyes.

Until the day I reach eternal sleep,
that smiling face will
have to stay with me without fail.

People are all sad, so
they go and forget, but--

For that which I should love,
For that which gives me love, I will do what I can.

Back then, when we met,
it was all awkward.
We went the long way, didn't we?
We got hurt, didn't we?

Until the day I reach eternal sleep,
that smiling face will
have to stay with me without fail.

Back then, when we met,
it was all awkward.
We went the long way, didn't we?
We got there in the end.

Waiting

2011-05-25T17:08:00.002+08:00

Waiting, that's a thing we do more than half of our life in the time we have. Waiting for meals, waiting for things to happen, waiting for another day to come and another day to pass. Waiting for miracles and waiting to see live and death. Waiting for someone, or rather some place or even certain feelings. I've been waiting all my life. That's why i don't want anyone to wait anymore.

It's a torture to wait. It's really hurts to wait and it drains you. I'm tired and i don't want others to feel this way too. I wish everyone the best always. That's why i know i can't make people wait. I'll hide all i feel inside. With eternal love you'll have to bear it's sufferings. I'm sorry...

Another You

2011-05-24T21:42:00.002+08:00

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time's been healing me and I say goodbye

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not await the dawn to bring another day
Your not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you that just fade away

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You're still apart of my life

But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you
I'll find another you

My Emotions

2011-05-22T22:22:00.001+08:00

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Without you

2011-05-21T18:22:00.001+08:00

No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now it's only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

Well I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow show
Yes it shows
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

What hurts the most

2011-05-21T18:10:00.001+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

From me

2011-05-20T22:30:00.001+08:00

So there you are
Again you're circling all around
If you could only touch me now
Strangers from the past
Don't hesitate
Now we're standing face to face
If heaven is the only place
Would you take my hand'

Just tell me What Do You Want From Me
This is love in the first degree
Tell me why, everytime I feel your eyes all over me

Tell me what do you want from me
Are you mad enough to see
That it's hard to cross the line
Come on now, set me free

What do you want from me

Get closer now
Softly whisper in my ear
Please take me away from here
Away from all my tears
It's not too late
Now we're standing face to face
And heaven is the only place
Will you understand'

Just tell me what do you want from me
This is love in the first degree
Tell me why, everytime I feel your eyes all over me

Tell me what do you want from me
Are you mad enough to see
That it's hard to cross the line
Come on now, set me free

And I know, If you give me this feeling
I'll be there to hold you tight oooh
'Cause I'd show, your love is a hero
We will run, run out of sight

Happier?

2011-05-20T22:05:00.003+08:00

It ended abruptly. Are you happier now? You've told me you'll be happier with him. He's the one for you. In the end, it wasn't even 2 months. I blamed myself for letting you go but all i could was to watch. His kisses, his hugs and the time you spent with him every night when we were still together, i could never forget them. But no matter what happened and how it is, i tried my best and did what was good for you. And all my efforts went down the drain. Although i know he's not the one for you. Although i feel that he's not a good guy, still i tried not to tell you because you love him. I hid what i could and encouraged you. I put on a smiley face and looked into your eyes, and all i saw was guilt. You could no longer face me directly. I've endured your countless hurtful comments when we were together and thousand blades piercing my heart each time you were with him all because u said you'll be happier with him.

While loving him, you've hurt a guy who truly love you for someone who doesn't truly do. It's a cycle and eventually, the one who will be the most painful is not you but the one who cared for the most. The one who is willing to lay down his pride and put on a fake smile giving you his blessings, praying, encouraging and being there for you. You said you yearn for true love. Define it. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. It is always when we've lost the bird in hand that we realize it's significance and value.

Even if i know it will hurt so badly that i might take my live any moment, i will still find you and love you again. It's a promise of eternity and a belief of more than fate. Fate bring you to it, and the rest is up to us to shape our destiny. Everyday i look at what you post on facebook and i wonder, how much more time do i have to care for you. I can't tell you anything anymore. I'll watch over you from darkness and pray someday i may find relief in seeing you smile again.

My birthday wishes included you and everyone around me. I hope it comes true and everyone can be happy. Believe in yourself, reach down inside and have faith in what you do.. I know you'll make it through..

Together as *friends our memories

2011-05-19T20:46:00.001+08:00

You had on the same smile
Even though the years have piled upon us
Impatient, we ignore the scenery passing by

Throw away your useless pride
Show kindness to the world

I gotta say
Even if we put on a courageous facade
We cannot live alone
The promise you made that day
Remains deep within my heart Even now

Partings and meetings
Finding light walking down new roads
Since the day we were born
This repetition has linked us together

When did you and I
Acquire such differing futures?

I gotta say
Even if we're far apart and never meet again
There is a strong bond between us
"Let my dreams come true"
I pray from the bottom of my heart
We're friends forever
Let's pledge to meet again
Swear on it
We're going to walk forward
Toward an unseen destination
Even if we're lost
We'll continue
No matter what

Amid the changing seasons
And the flow of time
Familiar melodies
Even when we grow old
They won't fade away
Our precious memories

I gotta say
Even if we put on a courageous facade
We cannot live alone
The promise you made that day
Remains deep within my heart

As life goes on...
Because we mustn't forget Yeah
Don't let it go...

This wide world or the people you hold dear

Changing...

2011-05-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

Like how the heart-shaped clouds change its form
Will I be changin' too someday?

I remain standing in the midst of parting way
And the shadow gently fades away

Like how the sun is always there
Even when it has sunk down
It's a dream I can't let go

A thousand destinies
I'll show you I can change my fate
Now what can I do with these hands of mine?
Reach out from inside

When you starts to lose sight of your precious things
How many words are out there to save you?

Because the irreplaceable treasure raises me,
Supports me and gives me a strong heart

Fantasies starts to flow
Certainty is definitely here
I can show you my faith is stronger than anybody else
There's faith in my soul

Just like diamond being polished to shine
The more it hurt, the brighter it starts to glisten
And now it's changin' all the more

A thousand destinies
I'll show you I can change my fate
Now what can I do with these hands of mine?
Fantasies starts to flow
Certainty is definitely here
I can show you my faith is stronger than anybody else
Reach out from inside

Interview

2011-05-18T21:32:00.002+08:00

Had a psychological test this morning. It's one of the criteria for deployment. Well, i almost flunk it. Well, i've tried my best to do it as "properly" as possible. In the end i was interviewed. They told me i might require counseling. Well, yes i am suicidal and always thinking of death and how to end my life. Could it be you that i'm feeling this way ever stronger day by day. But come to think of it, i'm really silly and laughable.

I knew i will be going. That's why i decided to let her go in the 1st place yet i can't. I can't be there for her when i'm there. Who will be there for her to complain to? Who will take care of her? Who will care for her and love her when i'm not around? I might be going to US next year too. When i'm gone, how will you be? I'm worried and sad and living in fear. I would send you air ticket for you to fly over if you're able to. But i guess, it's okay. You've got your studies don't you. Well, it doesn't matter anymore now that you've left and found someone new. I hope you can tell me with your heart that he is everything good and everything better and you're much happier with him. There is nothing i can do for you at all. I can't see the person i love suffers.

When i close my eyes it's you i see. Everything i know you make me believe.
I'm not alone... The ghost of you will always be with me.

This I Swear

2011-05-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

You're there by my side
In every way
I know that you would not forsake me
I give you my life
Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you

I may not say it half as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

So whenever you get weary
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
Ohh we'll get there
This I swear

A Song For Me

2011-05-17T13:20:00.003+08:00

Tell me why the ocean is blue,
Tell me why the snow falls.
Many many places i've seen
They are changing, everyday.

When the sun rise, the moon falls
When the wind blows, it echoes.
Fading memories i kept within
Seal in my heart everyday

(Chours)
(Give me a reason to believe in
Take me to the promise you told me
Let me rest my broken soul in your arms
Even if you're just a hallucination.

Emotions are nothing but memories
Your love for me are empty illusions
Till the end i'll hold you tight
Even if you're just a hallucination)

As my tears falls down in red
I'm getting better in time
Many many people i've seen
They are changing, everyday

I'll be waiting, everyday
I'll believe in your miriacles
Broken my heart, i kept within
Fake with my smile everyday

(Chours)

I'll be waiting forever
Lost in the fate of time
Till the end...

Some random lyrics i thought of. A bit crude. May need editing someday. Hope to gain some feedback someday with a music...

Dream

2011-05-17T09:55:00.002+08:00

Been really depressed recently. Or rather, have i even be happier before? Well, i don't know. What's happiness? Can it be felt? Can we see it? Maybe we can eat it? I wonder i wonder... I'm on duty now. Too bored maybe? Haha! Had a dream yesterday and it was about her. I can't remember fully what was it about but i know in the dream, we were both smiling. She was happy. So why am i even dreaming? I've lost every right to dream. I'm tired and i don't want to be sobber. If she was smiling in the dreams, does it mean that what i've told her and the method i used was correct even though it hurts her? Or does she even feel a thing and i'm just hurting myself? Why was she smiling in my dream? If this is what i wish for, why wouldn't it happen in real life? My feet and hands are peeling. I wonder why. I'm random and confuse. Have i lost myself? Or am i just pretending to be so i can shut myself outta the world? I cursed her but... It'll end by all means when i take my live. I promised myself that. People told me to show her that i'm happier and can be happy even without her. I'm trying, perhaps too hard till it's fake. I wish i could be lost in the dream and be sleeping eternally. I won't attend her funeral because she'll be attending mine. :D Funny? Haha!

What is that true love you're yearning for when you don't even know what is it about? What is it that you can't see when it is just around you. Perhaps, like you've always said, leave it to fate... Believing love will get you home someday, somehow and somewhere... In my dreams...

Suicidal Scale

2011-05-17T08:06:00.002+08:00

1. Wish to live - Weak (1)

2. Wish to die - moderate to strong (2)

3. Reasons for living/dying - for dying outweigh for living (2)

4. Desire to make active suicide attempt - moderate to strong (2)

5. Passive suicidal desire - would avoid steps necessary to save or maintain life (2)

6. Duration of suicide ideation/ wish - continuous (chronic) or almost continuous (2)

7. Frequency of suicide ideation - persistent or continuous (2)

8. Attitude toward ideation/wish - accepting (2)

9. Control over suicidal action/ acting-out wish - unsure of control (1)

10. Deterrents to active attempt - some concern about deterrents (1)

11. Reason for contemplated attempt - escape surcease solve problems (2)

12. Method: specificity or planning of contemplated attempt - considered but details not worked out (1)

13. Method: availability or opportunity for contemplated attempt - future opportunity or availability of method anticipated (2)

14. Sense of "capability" to carry out attempt - unsure of courage or competence (1)

15. Expectancy/anticipation of actual attempt - yes (1)

16. Actual preparation for contemplated attempt - partial (1)

17. Suicide note - completed (2)

18. Final acts in anticipation of death - made definite plans or completed arrangements (2)

19. Deception or concealment of contemplated suicide - held back on revealing (1)

The total score for the 19 items is calculated.
Minimum score = 0
Maximum score = 38
Higher scores indicate greater suicidal ideation

My score 30/38

Love the way you lie

2011-05-16T20:20:00.001+08:00

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down

Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

My Love Will Get You Home

2011-05-16T19:23:00.001+08:00

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Million Tears

2011-05-16T17:06:00.000+08:00

I wanna know where you belong,
I wanna know why I sing this song.

I try to show how much I feel,
is that a dream or is it real?'

I never look where you belong,
until I'm gonna sing my song.

Is it a lie or is it true?
So many tears I've cried for you.

Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you

A Million tears that i have cried,
I wish you where right by my side.

I try to show how much I care,
believe in me I will be there.

I never knew where you belong,
whenever you just hear my song.

Is it a lie or is it true?
So many tears I've cried for you.

Oh ho, oh ho, a million tears for you,
Oh ho, oh ho, a million tears for you

Those words

2011-05-16T16:46:00.003+08:00

Those words i could never have told her directly. Those wounds and scars i bear. Everything she did and what i've said are all the truth. They told me i need to make her learn and can't be soft to her anymore. Still, i realise, i am myself. No matter what i've said, i still care a lot for her. Tears still roll down my cheeks when i said those things. They asked me, why am i even crying? You're right and not wrong and is just telling her the truth. Why are you sad? That's the problem with you, always being too kind...

Those words, i felt that i've become just liked her. Saying such hurtful stuffs while i'll always keep them inside my heart. Silly me right? Well, i'm going to drink. I'm gonna cut till i bleed like never before! I must let her go in order for her to start a fresh.

I must, those words... My last words to you...

Melting Love

2011-05-16T15:49:00.002+08:00

Melting love. Broken heart, bloody tears, hidden scars and fake smiles. Those are what you've left behind. Words from you changes my world. Yet it disgust me. The innocent look you're showing and the pity you're trying to gather. Yearning for true love? Well, what a joke! Do you even understand or know what it is about? Haha! You don't! You have no rights to say these in front of me. Your thoughts and betrayal have shown what kind of girl you are. Disappointment and despair are what you've left for me in the midst of memories.

How you've hurt me, i wish i could pay you back sometimes. Maybe you should just try half of my pain. IF you could take it, then take back everything you've thrown at me! You'll die. I'm sure you will. I'm now a inhumane guy. MY thoughts and my fingers don't process together. I hate you for making me the way i am. I can never recover again. Do you understand? I feel like exploding. Everyday i wish i could just die in your arms. Every night i think of you badly while you're enjoying with him happily.

Were you even real? Those words you said, the promises you made, are them meant to be broken? Why have you forsaken me? You said you hate me for hurting you. Well, you're so selfish. While you have the whole world, my whole world only have you. Every little thing you did, every word you said, every action you take, it hurts like hell! BLOODY HELL!! I wish i could STAB myself through my heart. But i have to be with you. Cause i'm alive. I hate myself more and more each day. Why am i being hurt by you? Why do i endure and fake a smile in front of you? Simply because of my pride or because i don't wanna see you sad?

I'm thankful that i've met you. It could only be you that were for me. Everywhere i go, i think of you. It's almost like i'm living for you with every beat of my heart. I can't fall in love with some stranger like you do. Because i'm no jerk or bastard like the ones you've met. I'm thankful to you and all. My life has come to an end. Please remember me for the rest of your life. Remember how you yearn for true love and hurt a true heart. Remember how you never cherish and take for granted. Remember how much effort someone had put in in order to have you love him. Remember and i'm sure you'll be able to find the one who is truly for you.

Wina, i'm going to take out the only thing that's binding me. The anklet you gave me. It's everything to me now. It's getting more and more loose. It's like it's telling me to let it go. I'm sure you'll be much happier. After taking out, there is no turning back anymore. I wish to tell you one last time, i love you... Always...

Take care always...

What are words

2011-05-16T09:21:00.001+08:00

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Your words never came... Yet... I'm still here... Waiting...

Moving On

2011-05-15T07:50:00.002+08:00

Dear blog, after talks and talks with my friends, it's time i get a move on. I've always thought i can't be happy or is forbidden to be because i am alone and the person i love ain't happy. There're things i couldn't tell anyone in a million years and i can't say in a thousand years. I've never like to be bonded. During my time in polytechnic, there were offers for bond to hospital for 3years but i didn't accept. So why did i accept it when i was in NS. Well, simply interest? Yes? Maybe? I'm interested in deployment but it has pros and cons. What if i never come back alive? Or maybe what if i don't get to deploy at all? Haha! Oh well, silly me. All i thought about was her. I didn't want her to listen cause i don't want this to affect her. The money, i wanted to support you for your university so you won't have to work so hard. To give you a better life. Soon, i may not be around anymore. Will you still remember me? Maybe you leaving me is a blessing too. I'll never want you to wait for me or to feel lonely again just like i did.

Thinking through, you were really a demanding yet caring girl. Demanding to have it your way, not giving in, stuborn and get what you want. That's the kind of girl you are. Caring... I cherish it. You demand for this and that to happen. Your suddenly cravings and mood swings. You, refusing to say sorry and i'll always be taking the 1st step. Haha. You'll always tell me it's my fault even you know in the end, it wasn't. But it's okay. I've grown to love you for who you are. If i want you to change, it wouldn't be you anymore. But time after time you compared and hurt me sliently.

I am nothing good in your memories. But you were everything good to me. Well, i choose to see you in a good light Thanks for telling me when i hurt you or made you sad. The attitude you've shown me, it makes me know i have to work harder and harder just for you. I've cried not because you've hurt me. But because i cant be with you anymore. I can't be everything you need, the person you'll turn to and that someone special that will share your woes and anger. If you're lost and you feel helpless, i'll find you, time after time. If you leave and you found someone, i will be waiting, time after time. You will never ever understand how much you've hurt me. I didn't cry often like you did. Cause i'm a guy and i have to be strong. I have to be happy in front of you. Even when the whole world knows i'm sad, you're the one i want to show you my smiling face. I'm different from him or other guys. I'm niang niang, the one you choose.

It is time that i move on. No matter how much i care, i can't do anything for you. No matter how much effort i put in, you'll never see. No matter how fake my smile can be, you've never seen through. So let my love go to waste. No matter how hard i've tried or how much i love you, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing will change the fact you're gone.

Now that we are apart, am i still in your heart...
I've been sitting here, can't get you off my mind. I've tried my best to be a man and to be strong. I 've drove myself insane, wishing i could touch your face, but the truth remains...

You're gone...

Beause You Loved ME

2011-05-14T11:47:00.001+08:00

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful, baby

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me, ooh, baby

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe, I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because
I was loved by you

You were always there for me, the tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Words

2011-05-14T11:32:00.001+08:00

smile an ever lasting smile
a smile can bring you near to me
don't ever let me find you gone
'cause that would bring a tear to me
this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

talk in ever lasting words
and dedicate them all to me
and I will give you all my life
i'm here if you should call to me
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

Comparison

2011-05-14T11:09:00.002+08:00

As humans, do we love to compare and compete or is it just our second nature? I wonder why. People change over time. We reflect on our own mistakes and we move on becoming stronger and better. By comparing, it helps one to make a better choice. By competing, we seek improvement. We always look forward and after we've something wrong or hurt someone, we'll look back. Silly us. Why don't we try to look at the side. The ones walking beside you are hurt by the words and actions. Everyone is different. Perhaps,because of high expectation, that's why we compare. Unknowingly, we hurt the people around us. Even if we know it hurts, they are some people who will do it as a habit. No one is complete or perfect. That's why we require another half. By saying i'm comparing because i want you to improve is just an excuse. No one deserve to be treated this way. So i tell myself everyday i must not compare. Everyone have their strength and weakness. Someday, i hope we will stop comparing and live life as what is given and yet thrive for more without hurting the one who cares for you. With love...

22nd Birthday!

2011-05-12T22:31:00.001+08:00

Well, it's time to give thanks to the many whom have not forgotten my birthday. And i'm sorry for those who've forgotten. Well, i hope i can make those who forget remember next year? Cheers! With no order of importance! Here goes...

Special Thanks To:
- Family
- Deanna
- Xin Yan
- Jian Wei
- Tina
- Kwang Li
- Alvin Guo
- Soon Hui
- Weiling
For celebrating with me....

Thanks To:
- Family
- Wina
- Salween
- Shuxian
- Jian Wei
- Deanna
- Xin Yan
- Tina
- Kwang Li
- Alvin Guo
- Soon Hui
- Weiling
- Jian Yu
- Koon Kit
- Alvina
- Daphane Low
- Seow Jia
- Cai Xin
- Dyana
- Dahlya
- Boon Hoe
- Yan Ying
- Angeline
- Belinda
- Keris
- Shu Ye
- Xue Ling
- Lilina
- Leonard
- Leonard Lim
- Ting Ting
- Celestina
- Kean
- Valerie
- Winson Yang
- Ting Zhen
- Darren
- Khalis
- Azlina
- Winnie
- Hui Qiang
- May
- Mabel
- Teck Kian
- Christine
- Zhang Li
- Hong Yun
- Joel
- Rachel
- Yi Jie
- Wei Shan
- Ken Koh
- Qi Yuan
- Zhi Xian
- Grace Tan
- Yuki Lin
- Jamie Lim
- Nelson
- Pinky
- Haziq
- Waiyan
- Kenneth Chia
- Hui Xin
- Xing Juan
- Chee Yuen
- Bryan
- Jun Hao
- Pauline
- Xiu Hui
- Pei Yi
- Joaee
- Elton Goh
- Khairul
- Jeremy Low
- Adeline Kong
- Selina
- Kenneth Chua
- Wei Chen
- Jamie Ngu
- Shi Qi
- Sevin
- Nijo
- Janet
- Cheryl
- Jing Ren
- Naveen
- Geraldine
- Felicia
- Cherry
- Wei Zhi
- Chester Ho
- Anna Ng
- Nabil
- Norin
- Winson Heng
- Jia Qi
- Jesslyn
- Yong Teck
- Xue Jun
- Feng Wei
- Shadiq
- Henry
- Wei Tsi
- Azhar
- Keng Sern
- Jean
For All The Birthday Wishes! :)

Gratitude To:
Xin Yan For Birthday Card, Cake & Pasta
Deanna For Birthday Treat
Kwang Li For Birthday Treat
Weiling For Birthday Treat
Seow Jia For ??? (Haven't receive yet)
Lilina For ??? (Haven't receive yet)
Wina For ??? (Haven't receive yet)
Jean For Birthday Card & Candies

Thanks

My Birthday Wishes

2011-05-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

Well, i never had much wishes to begin with. I suppose i could do with just a few? Being a loner and emotional and sensitive, i've always been thinking a lot. Hope my wishes will come true be it whether it's too far-fetched or not. Not in any order, here i go...

- World peace
- Everyone can be happy
- Parents, family and friends can have good health
- To meet that special someone again and hold her
- Be rich
- A 7 seater car
- A bunch of clothes
- New pair of jeans
- Cool shades
- Ear studs and ear rings
- To have someone there to celebrate my pathetic birthday
- To die on my birthday
- To release myself from grief
- To love again
- Driving license

My wishes are too complicated... Sorry!
Would it come true? Those promises...

With You

2011-05-09T16:19:00.002+08:00

Suddenly i'm feeling random. There's so many things left undone. So many wishes i hope would come true. I hope to be able to see her again. I wish we had more time. My wishlist...

Be your best friend..
Get caught with you in the rain.
Dance with you in the rain.
Stargaze on a clear night.
Watch the sunset together.
Spend all day with you doing nothing.
Moonlit walks on the beach.
Be more proud of you than I already am at this very moment.
Go on a carriage ride through the park.
Do a crossword together.
Go to brunch.
Have a disagreement (it could/will only make us stronger).
Go for a twilight horseback ride.
Watch a bad movie together.
Spend the rest of my life with you.
Have our picture taken together.
Take ice cream with you.
Make love to you passionately.
Go to a museum together.
Talk to each other using only body language.
Give you space when you need it.
Accept you totally and completely - flaws and all (I already do).
Discuss current events in a heated debate.
Have you see the error of your ways from aforementioned heated debate and make mad, torrid love to you, in the midst of all that passion.
Carve our names into a tree/table.
Go for a walk at dusk together.
Be one with you.
Send you a singing telegram.
Spend all night thinking of 101 sweet things to do for you.
Hold you and gaze into your eyes and realize how much I love you...and tell you.
Gently run my hand across your cheek and look into your eyes.
Blindfold you and take you somewhere romantic.
Spend my life making you happy.
Spend my life making our family happy.
Feel your heartbeat.
See our unborn child/children in your eyes.
Go roller/ice skating together.
Give you a backrub just because.
ALWAYS being honest with each other.
Go hiking/camping together.
Have our first fight, make up and feel a stronger bond because we very successfully weathered the storm - together.
Marry you.
Laugh at someone together.
Share a plate of spaghetti.
Give you a stuffed animal just because...
Go on a fun family vacation and bring back the kind of memories movies are made of.
Treat you like my Lancelot.
Count thunder together during a thunderstorm.
Envelop you in my soul.
Cook your favorite meal/meals.
Know you better than you know yourself.
Look over at you during an office/family party and have you know without me saying a word - that I love you.
Be able to say "I love you" in 89 different ways - in 89 different countries.
Hold you when you're at your saddest and comfort you when you need it the most.
Be the one you come to for that comfort and holding.
Wipe away the days' stresses and issues, with just one hug/kiss.
Grow old with you.

Would you ever know what i wish for? You never will... I'm tired... Headache... Sorry...

Duty

2011-05-08T22:52:00.002+08:00

I'm on duty today. It's a really boring day. I wish there was something for me to do. Someone there waiting for me. Something i can hope for. It was for the sake that i'm here because i'm here. I've never thought i'll be able to do much in life or to make a positive impact on someone's life. My era if caring and kindness have long gone. People will compare, they critizie and most of them don't give a damn. Yet here i am, parying and wishing for a miracle. Maybe what i'm asking for is too much. Maybe it's so unreal that it'll never happened. But one thing i know for sure, the world is ever changing. Leap of fate, i'll pray that someday, i'll be able to hold you again...

Missing You

2011-05-04T18:18:00.000+08:00

Standing here looking out my window
My nights are long and my days are cold
Cause I don't have you
How can I be so damn demanding?
I know you said that it's over now
But I can't let go

Every day I want to pick up the phone
And tell you that
You're everything I need and more
If only I could find you

Like a cold Summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
You're the woman without a man
I'm the ring without a hand
I'm missing you

Driving 'round thought I saw you pass me
My rearview mirror's playing tricks on me
Cause you fade away
Maybe I'm just hallucinating
Cause my loneliness got the best of me
And my heart's so weak

Dearest

2011-05-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

Fallen

2011-05-02T13:24:00.002+08:00

I drift i burnt i cried, when you left me and i felt helpless like plane crashing down the air. I had a dream that i, was falling from a thousand feet, it doesn't really matter and here i am. With the scars on my hands, the the shattered of blades, i've fallen. Just wanna stay there fallen and broken, the light doesn't reach me, the coldness multiply. Watch me burn and tormented in hell, like you said you used to loved me. I wanna die i've fallen beyond grace, the emptiness you gave, the day you took everything away. Watch me fall watch me fall beyond misery, let my tears of blood flow through the everlasting dreams you promised. I want to cry don't let me burn in hell, i may have fallen but i'm still human, can't escape fate as i walk on through, See me fall, show me the destiny, i will be there, fallen...

Holding on together

2011-05-02T10:09:00.001+08:00

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold to the truth
In your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the winds
must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears
All away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come
Home to stay

When we are out there
In the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark
We'll feel the light
Warm our hearts
Everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
As high
As souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

The 28th Month

2011-05-01T13:12:00.002+08:00

Its 1st May. Today is supposed to be the 28th month. Does she still remember it? Or is she only remembering about him and 22nd every month? Well, why should i even care right? Muahaha! I wonder who i am. I'm starting to grow weary again. Really tired. It's hard to force a smile when you're all alone. It still hurts badly but i know i have to move on. My physical body gonna move on. I'm sure i'll be just fine...

Behind

2011-04-29T23:03:00.002+08:00

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me. Unbreakable. i thought that nothing could go wrong. But now here i am, i'm torn into pieces. Broken up deep inside, you won't see the tears i've cried for you. A million tears for you. I wanna know where you belong, i wanna know if i can sing that song. Time after time, if you lost and you know i'll be there, time after time. It's all about you, not longer about us. Run away and i cant seem to chase after it. No promises, even now i wanna hold you tight. I just want to die in your arms, here tonight. Even though, we said goodbye, quite some time ago, there's a strength from deep in my heart, that just can't let you go. I still see you in my dreams. So let the rain fall down and wash away my sanity. Why do i still cry for you, trying to get close to you. Even when i know it's just the ghost of you. When will it set me free? I'm trying to save whats left of my soul and heart...

如果沒有你

2011-04-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

HEY 我真的好想你現在窗外面又開始下著雨
眼睛乾乾的有想哭的心情
不知道你現在到底在哪裡

HEY 我真的好想你太多的情緒沒適當的表情
最想說的話我該從何說起
你是否也像我一樣在想你

如果沒有你沒有過去我不會有傷心
但是有如果還是要愛你
如果沒有你我在哪裡又有甚麼可惜
反正一切來不及反正沒有了自己

HEY 我真的好想你不知道你現在到底在哪裡

HEY 我真的好想你現在窗外面又開始下著雨
眼睛乾乾的有想哭的心情
不知道你現在到底在哪裡

HEY 我真的好想你太多的情緒沒適當的表情
最想說的話我應該從何說起
你是否也像我一樣在想你

如果沒有你沒有過去我不會有傷心
但是有如果還是要愛你
如果沒有你我在哪裡又有甚麼可惜
反正一切來不及反正沒有了自己

HEY 我真的好想你不知道你現在到底在哪裡
你是否也像我一樣在想你

Our Promised Land

2011-04-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

I"ll leave on a journey heading to the other side of the sun and wind.
Surely, without a map, the door into paradise will open.
The morning you were born into this world, a bell of blessings rang forth.
Embracing only a single treasure, people will be born.
I won"t forget my feelings from that day. They flow through my heart. Dear My Songs.

In the middle of our journey, as we aim towards the country of the sun
Even without a map, we"ll make it to the promised land.
The love-touched legend is constantly changing the endless future
so surely, many dreams can be granted... so smile.

Even though you can"t see it, the treasure is always within your heart.
I won"t forget my feelings from that day. They spread throughout my heart. Dear My Place.

As the bell of wishes resounds forth, the door of destiny opens.
Surely, we can make it through the struggle of getting there and reach our final paradise.
On days where sad rain just continues to fall, continue to swim through them.
You should always believe in yourself... in your heart.

If beyond the rainbow, there was a sound that signalled the birth of tomorrow...

In the middle of our journey, we"d aim towards the country of the sun
Even without a map, we"ll make it to the promised land.
The love-touched legend is constantly changing the endless future
so surely, many dreams can be granted... so smile.

Be happy

2011-04-21T22:32:00.002+08:00

I know that i cannot be, as perfect as you wanted me. I hope that you're fine and i hope you're happy. Being alone to me doesn't matter anymore. Being lonely or get my soul corrupted. What matters most is the people around me to be happy. Maybe someday i will forget about the people i used to cared for. Or maybe one day the memories will fade. What's happened can't be undone or rewritten. Looking at the clouds in the skies makes me wonder when will the end be. The sky is so vast like the ocean. To the unknown after death it's really scary. Nevertheless, even if someday i must die, i hope people can send me off with a smile. My simple wish is not for money but for everyone to obtain true happiness. I sure hope they do. Hope she'll always be happy too... I'll always be here for whoever who needs me. I won't abandon anyone. For i know the feeling of being abandon.

Hope you're happy...

My Heart, my songs

2011-04-17T20:00:00.002+08:00

Well, 1st i guess i'm gonna post the few of my favorite meaningful english songs. Well, i'm kind of random but i believe those songs speaks my heart out for me. Their smoothing music and lyrics are the best when expressing how i feel. Let me start now without any order or such. The songs which govern my life, my heart and my soul...

Everytime i hear your name - Cascada
Hold your hands up - Cascada
Why you had to leave - Cascada
Draw the line - Cascada
Another you - Cascada
Love you promise - Cascada
One more night - Cascada
Can't stop the rain - Cascada
What hurts the most - Cascada
Could it be you - Cascada
A thousand mile - Vanessa Carlton
No one - Alicia Keys
A place in this world - Taylor Swift
So Close - Jon Mclaughlin
4 in the morning - Gwen Stefani
A place nearby - Lene Marlin
All or nothing - O town
I'm with you - Avril Lavigne
Crawling back to you - Backstreet boys
Inconsolable - Backstreet boys
Because of you - Kelly Clarkson
Bring me to life - Evanescence
My immortal - Evanescence
Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee
Broken vow - Lara Fabian
Reason - Cascada
Till the end - Chen Da Wei
Until i get over you - Christina Milian
Realize - Colbie Caillat
Collide - Howie Day
Colors of the wind - Vanessa Williams
Every beat of my heart - Corrinne May
Fly Away - Corrinne May
Journey - Corrinne May
Safe in a crazy world - Corrinne May
Same side of the moon - Corrinne May
Save Me - Corrinne May
The answer - Corrinne May
Will you remember me - Corrinne May
Cry on my shoulder - ???
Am i still the one - Daniel Powter
Lost without you - Delta Goodrem
Listen to your heart - DHT
I'll never go - Eric Santos
Everybody's fool - Evanescence
Footprints on my heart - Paula DeAnda
Here without you - 3 Doors Down
Let the rain fall down - Hilary Duff
I promise - Stacie Orrico
I'll take the tears - A1
Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
Fixing a broken heart - Indecent Obsession
The end - Jason Reeves
More than you'll never know - Jed Madela
Where you are - Jessica Simpson
When you look me in the eyes - Jonas Brothers
All that i am - Journey South
Time after time - Journey South
Keep holding on - Avril Lavigne
Behind these hazel eyes - Kelly Clarkson
I hope you dance - Leann Rhimes
Better in time - Leona Lewis
Yesterday - Leona Lewis
Love you so - ???
The ghost of you - MLTR
That's why you go away - MLTR
Everywhere - Michelle Branch
Million Tears - Groove Coverage
My heart will go on - Cellin Dion
In my dreams - Natalie Brown
Never had a dream come true - S Club 7
Never let you go - Janice Wei
No promises - Shayne Ward
Nobody's home - Avril Lavige
On the side of me - Corrinne May
Queen of my heart - Westlife
Swear it again - Westlife
What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts
Remember me this way - Jordan Hill
Heaven Knows - Rick Price
Right here waiting - Richard Marx
If tomorrow never comes - Ronan Keating
Underneath your clothes - Shakira
The first cut is the deepest - Sheryl Crow
Slow me down - Emmy Rossum
All about us - T.A.T.U
I think of you - Tata Young
Teardrops on my gituar - Taylor Swift
This i promise you - N Sync
This is me - Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas
True - Ryan Cabrera
Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton
Untitled - Simple Plan
Soledad - Westlife
Miss you when i'm dreaming - Westlife
Never knew i was losing you - Westlife
You don't know - Westlife
When you're gone - Avril Lavigne
Because you love me - ???

These are all the beautiful songs i have. Wish to listen to more and more songs. Hope everything will be fine for everyone.

If only you knew

2011-04-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

You let go of my hand
You say you have important things to do
In search of something
Knocking in a faint sound

Ohh... The pain is burning your senses
Ohh... You're getting colder

Oh believe in me Oh believe in me
The magic you can create
If you only knew
You're forgetting me
Forgetting how to dream

Remember back then
When we played one the dandelion hill
Till the sunset
We didn't need anything else

Ohh... You're always protecting yourself
Ohh... Come here with me

Oh believe in me Oh believe in me
Do you ever feel this quietness inside?
That is where you'll find me
Nothing can erase me

Starless Night

2011-04-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

I reached into the sky
My love wouldn't reach you
The multi-colored balloons
Disappeared into the sky, growing smaller and smaller

I'm alone
I had no destination
But you gently held my hand

Starless night, I won’t look back on the shadow of my past
I want to feel your warmth
Tears are falling down; even when I'm lost
I won't let go of your hand

Sometimes we fall apart
We become cowards
But surely we find something there

Take my hand
It’s because the two of us are fragile and imperfect
That we'll stay holding hands forever

Starless night, Though complaints may cross my lips
I want to believe in your warmth
Endless love, I can love even my faults
Because you are my shining star

You are my shining star

Wishes...

2011-04-16T12:13:00.002+08:00

Suddenly being random. Am i back to normal? To the someone whom i used to be? Bitterness awaits the life of a miserable self whom is struggling to break free. Are there really god in this world i ponder. Often, people tell me to live my life happily. To take care of myself and love myself more. Ain't all of us selfish? Why do we think about us and only us. Even though it breaks my heart to know somehow the bond is broken and we're so far apart. I wish our lives will return to how it was. To the time before we met and meet once more. The existence of breaking will always and forever not be forgotten. My wishes are small in this world. Neither can my voice reach out to the world nor the healing souls. And so as i pray, to remove unnecessary emotions from me anymore. Kine will be the prove i've existed as a normal human before. I wish to transcend life and death. If we can't change fate, i will change my destiny. I'm walking forward, looking back and feeling empty. Cause my life is for rent...

Journey

2011-04-15T12:38:00.002+08:00

It's a long long journey... And i don't know, where your journey go or how long it will takes to unfold. But i know, as long as i keep my faith shining in the dark, i know you'll be able to feel every beat of my heart. It's gonna be a long journey through the rain and shine. As long as we cherish what we have now, i'm sure we'll become a much happier person I longed for happiness yet i despise it because i am not worthy of it. Life is never fair nor is it really unfair. At times, the road ahead are risky. The journey seems like a never ending one. But i'm sure somehow i'll be able to be the stars to guide those who're lost to their love ones. The journeys with the bright stars shining above, the gentle wind blowing and the smoothing kiss, never forget about it. Cause i'll be watching over you from now on... From now on... It's your journey with another person. I"m alone standing in the crossroad of faith... Till the clock of life struck 12 and sentence me to death. I'll be waiting for the road ahead to be smooth and someday, eventually... it'll lead back to me... Our journey...

My Heart

2011-04-13T23:10:00.001+08:00

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear

'Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

'cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart

Every beat of my heart..
Every beat of my heart..
Every beat of my heart..

Leaving you...

2011-04-10T20:39:00.002+08:00

离开是一种解脱吗？ I saw this posted on her facebook. Well, it never is a form or relief. Ultimately, the memories left will haunt you. Remember no one can survive on their on. They need food and such. And food is grow and planted by farmers. I hope you can be happy before i go off. I know you will seeing your smile but i'm worried. People keep telling me to forget you. You're not worth putting in so much for. Well, it doesn't seems to matter anymore. If i cant have you, i wish for you to be happy like anyone else. I may not live long since i'm suffering from depression. But i think i will give you my blessing as i pray... Leaving you...

The 291st Post

2011-04-10T13:41:00.002+08:00

I've just realised this is my 291st post. This blog has been with me for many many years now since secondary 3 or 4 till date. It makes me realised that sometimes, when we're too focus on something, we tend to lose ourselves easily. Maybe we've forgotten the people who are left behind by our pursue of dreams. Some may even leave you or your world completely. However, many give their blessings, most will never forget the precious person the held or shared their memories with. Being able to live enables us to think in just a direct or moral manner. Most will be thinking why is the world or earth round? Why can we think of it this way, why isn't the earth square or rectangular? Perhaps we're too focus on the facts that blinded us from the truth. Just hope everyone can be happy. Didn't sleep well previously... Someday and somewhat, there will be a time the sun no longer shine again. Are you prepared just like it's in my world? I see darkness and i'll always be there. So i'm not afraid anymore. Not afraid anymore....

White reflection

2011-04-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

I feel your love reflection
in the eyes that are looking at me
Imagining a far away, never ending story

The sadness and the pain...
...fly as if to shed them away
The wings that you have given me...
I spread them in my heart
Ah, the heartbeat of love that is so precious
I want to feel its pain and madness

I feel your love reflection...
overlapping our dreams passionately
Wishing for our youth, no fear of mistakes,

I feel your love reflection
in the eyes that are looking at me
Imagining a far away, never ending story

Fly away

2011-04-08T20:53:00.002+08:00

When will you be home?" she asks
As we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer
To where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as I crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
And yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

The last words

2011-04-07T21:42:00.002+08:00

Well, today i did something call the suicidal indication scale. I think it's that name. Kinda forgot about it already. I scored 24. Well, its extreme high risk of suicide but i didn't die. I wonder why sometimes. What's keeping me from giving up everything? I search deep down and the answer was religion. Maybe i'm just too scared of the unknown. To the hell they said when we committed suicide. SIGH...

I've written down all the names of the people i would like to invite for my funeral yesterday. Finally, i've started writing my last words to them. I realised i've been thanking most of them even though they've hurt me deeply. And i wish they're happy with that someone whom they're holding on now. It's become a habit that i pray.

I'll always say, well, i'll translate it to english. Please bless everyone to be safe and sound, healthy and find the correct path back to heaven. Wishing Geok Teng, Vanessa, Wei Shan, Wina, Joanne, Yan Ying and Xin Yan to be happy everyday. Somehow its just a chat when i offer the joss stick.

I hope someday they'll be truly blessed. The people around me and those i cherished..
With love.....

Random come back

2011-04-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

The rain falls on my windows
And a coldness runs through my soul
And the rain falls, oh the rain falls
I don't want to be alone

I wish that I could photoshop all our bad memories
'Cause the flashbacks, oh the flashbacks
Won't leave me alone

If you come back to me
I'll be all that you need
Baby, come back to me
Let me make up for what happened in the past

(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
I'll be everything you need
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
Boy, you're
(One in a million)
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
I'll be everything you need
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
You're one in a million
(One in a million)

Lower East-Side of Manhattan
She goes shopping for new clothes
And she buys this, and she buys that
Just leave her alone

I wish that he would listen to her side of the story
It isn't that bad, it isn't that bad
And she's wiser for it now

I admit I cheated
(Admit I cheated)
Don't know why I did it
(Why I did it)
But I do regret it
(Do regret it)
Nothing I can do or say can change the past

(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
I'll be everything you need
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
Boy, you're
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/osPN ]
(One in a million)
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
I'll be everything you need
(Come back)
Baby, come back to me
(Come back)
You're one in a million
(One in a million)

Everything I ever did
Heaven knows I'm sorry, babe
I was too young to see
You were always there for me
And my curiosity
Got the better of me
Baby, take it easy on me

Anything from A to Z
Call me what you wanna, babe
I open my heart to thee
You were my priority
Can't you see you've punished me
More than enough already?
Baby, take it easy on me

Baby, take it easy on me

Baby, come back to me
Baby, come back to me

Kiss the rain

2011-04-05T19:45:00.001+08:00

I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And I'm woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It's hollow inside
I never had your love
And I never will

And every night
I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Like I've always loved you
But how can you love me
Like I loved you when
You can't even look me straight in my eyes

I've never felt this way
To be so in love
To have someone there
Yet feel so alone
Aren't you supposed to be
The one to wipe my tears
The on to say that you would never leave

The waters calm and still
My reflection is there
I see you holding me
But then you disappear
All that is left of you
Is a memory
On that only, exists in my dreams

I don't know what hurts you
But I can feel it too
And it just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know
That no matter what
I'll always love you

So why am I still here in the rain

Lovely Song

2011-04-05T19:36:00.000+08:00

Such a feelin's comin' over me
There is wonder in 'most ev'ry thing I see
Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now comin' true especially for me
And the reason is clear, it's because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

Somethin' in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world